


Feel Natural

by ntheonlycha



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 08:05:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13430490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ntheonlycha/pseuds/ntheonlycha
Summary: Originally posted on Tumblr 05/14/17{“Wonsik takes his hand and tugs him along into his world, into the craziness and hustle of his day to day life that Taekwoon doesn’t fully understand. It’s so different from his own, yet it’s exciting—fun—just like how he would describe Wonsik as a whole.”}





	Feel Natural

“I’m putting in my two weeks.”

Taekwoon’s head turned slowly from his monitor as he looked up at the younger boy whispering lowly against their musty atmosphere. He stared, sharpening his eyes as if it would help him read the other better, but the boy’s expression didn’t spell out anything he didn’t already know. Instead, the younger leaned his elbow down on the corner of Taekwoon’s desk, returning the gaze to prove a point—to make sure Taekwoon understood he was serious this time around.

And it’s not that Taekwoon didn’t understand, he did—clearly so. Yet, that didn’t stop him from still questioning, “Why?”

“This place is fucking boring,” came out slow and carefully enunciated, as if he was trying to drill the point even more than the hundreds of other times he’s expressed his hatred for their job, and it only caused Taekwoon to release a drawn sigh.

This was the third kid this year to quit. Maybe it didn’t really matter, people come and go all the time, move on to bigger and better things, but Taekwoon often still wonders about it. About this job of his and what makes so many others run away. He doesn’t really mind it, for the most part, working IT on the basement level of a large corporate building, making sure servers are working properly, and fixing any problems that arise for anyone on all seven floors above him. This could be anything from taking days to correct technical problems to being screamed at over the phone by a middle aged woman on the third floor because she is supposed to give an extremely vital presentation to three hundred outside associates and she can’t get the projector working. Typically, it’s just him sitting at his desk with headphones in as he works on larger projects or takes over worker’s computers straight from his own to help them. Sometimes he’ll need to meet with them, well, their computers in person, but that’s usually a job the newer employees take on.

He’s always been keen with computers and technology, so this seemed to be a good fit for him when he applied a couple years ago. He likes his job since it comes easy, because of the simplicity and the control he has. Sure, he’s sitting in a quite dim and muggy basement, the grayed carpeting rarely cleaned, and their group is somehow looked down upon even when they basically run the show, but he still isn’t too bothered. He seems to be the only one, though.

“I swear, I feel like I become more and more dull and useless the longer I work here,” the boy had continued, letting out his pent up emotions to Taekwoon like many others have done in the past. ‘ _You’re easy to talk to, you know_ ,’ they’ve said. Taekwoon’s curiosities have him wondering why he doesn’t feel the same, why he’s been in the position the longest even after only being there for almost two years now.

 

 

Trains rush past on the metal tracks as he waits for the right one to bring him home. The weather is cold out, but the forecast claims warmth should be coming within the next few weeks. He finds the same seat in the back of the second railcar as he does every day and looks out the window at the setting sun. Behind the grime of the glass, the low clouds color the violet sky, and Taekwoon momentarily shuts his eyes.

His decision to pick up food at a nearby restaurant is based solely on the fact that he doesn’t feel like cooking tonight. He’s already too drained, too cold, and the sky is a deep blue by the time his numbed fingers unlock the door to his apartment.

Quiet, lights are out, and he steps in, placing the warm food on the ground before removing his shoes and dropping them beside the one other empty spot on the rack. This will be another normal night. He’s not expecting anything out of the ordinary since there usually never is, yet he still feels a faint sting as he places one of the food bags into the refrigerator. Wonsik’s not going to be home until late tonight.

So he clears the table and washes his dishes, bathing immediately afterwards since it feels nice to. It’s frustrating how worn-out he becomes in the evenings, but he can make sense of it. His work hours are long. Early morning starts and late ends with train rides that make his time away from home always more than he would prefer, but he knows not everything can be perfect.

Because like most nights these days, he crawls into bed alone. Usually he doesn’t ponder on it too much because he knows Wonsik is working hard. But on nights like this one, a night where his mind is already stirred, he struggles with being able to calm himself.

 

 

And just like that, it’s morning again.

 

Early morning, five o’clock, no-one-else-is-up kind of morning—not even the sun. He hits snooze on his alarm again even though he won’t fall back to sleep. There’s finally that serenity he doesn’t want to lose, to break out of. So he nuzzles his face back into the pillow, only blinking an eye open once he takes in the nearby sounds of heavy breathing, of the man in bed beside him. No matter how many times his alarm goes off, it won’t ever wake Wonsik up.

Wonsik’s facing him, eyes shut with sleep, but still somehow appearing tired. He has no idea what time Wonsik got home last night, what time he went to bed, or if he even ate. And it’s bittersweet, thinking during these moments, that this is the most he typically sees of Wonsik during the week. Because he has to get up, to leave for his work, and Wonsik’s working hours start and end his day much later.

They weren’t always like this. Almost a year ago now, Wonsik was hired by a production company to work on music. Taekwoon’s not sure on the intricate details of his position, but he knows Wonsik is part of a team, a group that puts in many hours to create songs that more times than not, don’t ever sell. He dropped out of college once he became established in his new job—maybe even his dream job. Wonsik swears he’ll go back and finish one day, but Taekwoon has no idea how he’ll find the time.

He certainly doesn’t see that happening anytime soon. Wonsik appears to be the happiest he’s ever been. His work is fueled by his passions—ones so strong that Taekwoon doesn’t believe there’s anything that will stop him from moving forward with them. Even when he spends his day in the studio or traveling, he’ll always send Taekwoon pictures of the interesting places his job takes him. Wonsik’s life has become so different from Taekwoon’s, from his daily routines, from his so called “boring job.”

 

Yet, one thing hasn’t changed.

 

“I love you,” Wonsik drowsily mumbles through a grin while reaching his arm out from underneath the covers.

Taekwoon’s taking a watch out of his drawer as he turns back towards the bed. “I love you, too,” he returns quietly, as if Wonsik is actually still sleeping, and offers out his hand, knowing that is what’s desired.

“Have a good day,” Wonsik follows with the same expression lingering, delicately lacing their fingers together just before Taekwoon needs to leave.

“You too,” he returns naturally, curving his lips just the same.

 

 

“Fuck, Tae—fuck. God damnit, Taekwoon can you take this call?” His boss, Sunghwan, raises his voice in a panic from the ever going ring as he stands a row down, training a new hire. The young girl only started yesterday, replacing the boy who has recently left.

Taekwoon waits until the call is bounced to his phone as he puts his ear piece in before answering it. They’ve become much busier these days. Consistently being understaffed has Taekwoon taking on more responsibilities, has him riding the elevator up to the third floor because none of the computers in conference room 307 are connecting to their servers, and falling behind on other projects he has been working on.

He ends up leaving forty-five minutes late again in order to catch up. Sunghwan apologizes, says he trusts Taekwoon the most since he’s the most experienced, and offers to buy him tomorrow’s lunch as a small repayment. But tomorrow is tomorrow and today is still today. He catches the later train home, still taking his usual seat in the back of the second railcar.

 

The quietness of the apartment has never been something he’s focused on until recently. There was a time when Wonsik first moved in with him where they considered adopting a dog, but realized it would just be cruel with how little they are actually home. He cooks up a very simple dinner, not wanting anything heavy, but still preparing enough to fill a microwavable container for whenever Wonsik decides to eat.

His sisters are busy tonight, friends are too, and he’s kind of relieved by it. The television plays an old movie he doesn’t really pay attention to. Wonsik told him over the past weekend that it was going to be an extremely busy month for him. Deadlines and new projects and other lingo Taekwoon didn’t quite understand. Taekwoon was able to tell him about the boy who quit, about how he might stay at work later, but nothing else, really. He doesn’t feel like they have time to discuss the negatives much anymore. Taekwoon was on call most of Saturday and Wonsik was only home for a few hours during the day on Sunday. They held each other in the kitchen just because—because they needed to.

 

If he thinks back to years ago when he first met Wonsik, he would have never imagined their lives together were to play out like this. Not that it’s bad—but he didn’t consider the option for them to last this long, to stay together for as long as they have been.

It was his mother’s idea, initially. ‘ _Come to Younggi’s wedding,’_ she urged once his father announced he’d be out of the country that date, and seeing that Younggi had been a family friend’s daughter, they’ve known each other for quite a few years. He was finishing school at the time, stressed with final assignments and upcoming exams, and definitely not wanting to go. His mother smiled as she smoothed the bowtie around his neck. She was proud of him, proud of her only son finally finishing school and ready to move on with life, and he assumed this was all for her to show him off.

And she did, introducing him to new person after new person, having the same conversations just with different faces.

‘ _Taekwoon, this is Wonsik. Miyoung’s son.’_

_‘Hello,’_ Taekwoon spoke, offering his hand to the younger man before him.

_’Nice to meet you,’_ he returned, voice low and smile gentle.

There wasn’t much of a first impression since Taekwoon was whisked away quickly by his mother to speak with more people he was sure he’d never see again.

There was a moment where he managed to slip out of the crowd during the reception, sitting at one of the corner tables in the back, picking at the leftovers remaining on his plate. Surveying the ballroom, he lost sight of his mother a while ago, so he stayed by himself.

Only once there was a soft _‘Hey’_ did he look around again, catching the eyes of a younger boy he had met earlier. _‘Mind if I sit with you?’_

Small talk was really all it was. Taekwoon wasn’t there to open up and share his life story with another guy at this wedding. His mind was full of so many other things, but Wonsik was somewhat persistent with keeping conversations going. He was smooth, Taekwoon gave him that, but after a while they became quiet, blinking at one another as if waiting for someone to say something else, and it certainly wasn’t going to be Taekwoon.

It was then that Wonsik leaned in towards his ear, speaking softly, but firmly, as if this was his final attempt. _‘Want to go into one of the empty rooms down the hall and mess around?’_

Taekwoon turned his face to meet Wonsik’s close one. Wonsik had a brow up, curiously awaiting a response as his warm breath prickled against his skin. Taekwoon looked around again for his mother, and upon not seeing her anywhere, pushed back on his chair to stand up. Wonsik’s face tilted up with a grin and they grabbed two fresh glasses of champagne on their way out.  

Wonsik was good looking—tall, with a tuxedo almost too similar to his own, but he didn’t care. He had Wonsik backed against the wall of the dark room, lips gliding together as their heated bodies pressed closely.

Taekwoon remembers it being exhilarating. Maybe it was due to the alcohol, the lust, or if nothing else, spending time with a person who was just as bored as he was. He was almost glad his mother had him come to this wedding. Two blowjobs and an accidental spilled drink later, Taekwoon sat back on a stack of twenty folding chairs as he watched Wonsik fix his pants, brushing the creases out of the legs. The younger sent him a soft smile when he noticed him staring, but he couldn’t help it at this point.

_‘Can I get your number?’_ Wonsik had asked after the moment.

Remembering it now, his response back wasn’t his best. Honest, but harsh. _‘I’m… Not really looking for a relationship now.’_

Wonsik’s face dropped for a second, but he still held a small smile.

_‘This was fun, though. Thanks.’_

Little did he know back then that when Wonsik is passionate about something, he finds it hard to give up. Later that night, when he finally returned home, his mother pulled out a folded piece of paper, saying one of the boys handed it to her on her way out. It was marked ‘ _Jung Taekwoon’_ and he carefully opened the letter to simply reveal a phone number with a short note written below.

_‘For when you are looking.’_

 

He was quite solitary back then, working hard on his own, and not really up for any relationship lasting longer than a one night stand every once in a while. Those were always easy because he could run away during the night and never see those people again. But Wonsik somehow managed to change his perspective, his desires, and he finds himself becoming more aware of them these days.

 

 

2:39 AM, a blue hue shines in from underneath the bedroom door, and Taekwoon’s urge to follow it has him scooting out of bed. His steps are slow, unbalanced slightly, but he doesn’t let the exhaustion stop him.

Wonsik’s sat in his usual seat at the far end of their couch, hunched over the coffee table with his laptop and empty food containers as his concentration keeps his eyes glued to the screen. Headphones on, he doesn’t seem to notice the elder’s feet padding in closer. Taekwoon’s hands push his weight into the cushions as he nearly rolls his body onto the couch, startling Wonsik to sit straight, and resting his cheek against the younger’s warm lap.

His eyes shut because it feels good, Wonsik feels good. There’s a creak from the younger removing his headphones and shifting, but Taekwoon’s fingers curl over his thigh in attempt to hold him still.

If Wonsik says anything, Taekwoon can’t function enough to make it out. He’s so drowsy that he’s not sure if he’s even fully awake. But he’s comfortable—legs curled and body relaxed; Wonsik’s hand runs faintly across his shoulder.

 

 

He’s humiliated in the morning, waking up in bed with his face nestled closely against Wonsik’s side. The memory feels similar to a dream, but he doesn’t have any doubt on if it were real or not. He remembers staggering back off to bed and Wonsik sending him a smile before opening his arms, inviting Taekwoon—or maybe apologizing—but he moved in, anyway. He’s never done that before—disturbing Wonsik’s work at night—and that’s why he feels this clenching in his gut during the morning. He’s light on his feet as he maneuvers throughout the room, slowly, cautiously, and most importantly, quietly.

 

 

“Look, I’m really sorry,” Sunghwan pleads during their lunch hour out. They’re sitting at a sandwich shop just a few blocks down from the office building. Taekwoon doesn’t feel all that hungry, but he eats his half sandwich because he knows his body probably should be. “But I truly appreciate your help. No one else cares. You know, I try to hire kids with drive and devotion, but they seem hard to come by these days. Even the new girl, Hana, I barely see it.”

“It’s only her third day,” he notes in return, frowning all the same.  

Frustrations come out as complaints and Taekwoon listens to them all. All of them are round about ways of saying that more work will need to be covered and Taekwoon understands, although it’s not what he wants to hear. Because there aren’t enough hours in the day to catch up and keep up on it.

There’s a pause and Taekwoon quickly jerks as his phone vibrates within his pocket. The screen reads _Wonsik_ and he stands before his boss, quickly speaking as he fumbles, “Sorry—I need to take this.”

Rude, he thinks, running out of the restaurant where Sunghwan specifically took him to for a phone call. But it really isn’t just any phone call. It’s an uncommon one.

“Hello?” he exhales, looking around outside the entrance for a good spot to stand at.

“Taekwoon,” Wonsik hums in such a way that slows Taekwoon’s world down. “I can’t talk long, but I wanted to tell you that I’ve taken the night off tonight.”

“Ah,” he releases within the quick mix of emotions.

“Don’t worry about dinner, okay? I’ll be here when you get home and I’ll take care of everything.” Wonsik’s tone is soft, like he already knows Taekwoon’s woes without either of them having to outright say anything. Maybe Taekwoon’s actions last night where enough.

“I’ll be late,” he manages, taking in a short breath.

Wonsik understands—he always does.

 

Darkness is quite prominent when he finally makes it to the train station and he already knows he’s going to get home even later than yesterday. His stomach growls loudly, but he ignores it for now, simply letting his hand rest over his navel as if that will somehow make it stop. The chill of the nighttime winds tingle within his spine and he keeps on with his usual path home.

The living room light shines through the window as he gets closer and he notices a subtle warmth already growing within his chest when he unlocks the door. The apartment smells like home, like food cooking, like Wonsik, and there’s a sudden rush when he’s removing his shoes and stumbling inside.

“Welcome home,” Wonsik greets him from the kitchen, connecting their eyes once Taekwoon makes it in the doorway.

And they stare, Taekwoon catching his breath he wasn’t aware he had lost, and begins to move in towards the younger at a normal pace. His arms wrap around Wonsik’s middle as he hugs him warmly from the side.

Wonsik chuckles at the squeeze, turning to bring Taekwoon towards his chest. “What is up with you lately?”  

A valid question. Taekwoon is the one acting out of the ordinary here. Part of him wants to explain and another part doesn’t want to do anything besides hold their embrace as long as possible.

His behavior isn’t typical, but neither are his feelings. And it’s not like anything has changed recently. His and Wonsik’s schedules have been like this for months now—he agreed to this. Because in the past, this was something that he was alright living with, less daunting, actually.

Usually, it’s not him that initiates affection like this. It’s never been in his nature. And that’s probably part of the reason why Wonsik is home right now, probably because his alarms were going off, and maybe still are. He doesn’t force an answer out of Taekwoon, doesn’t even try. Instead, he pulls back enough to kiss his temple, and ask with a smile, “Are you hungry?”

 

“Markus was in the studio with us for… Three days now and it has been non-stop. Like, it’s fun and the amount of songs we’re working on is only multiplying, but I feel like I can’t really focus on perfecting even one if there are so many in development,” Wonsik’s telling him stories in between bites. They’re sitting at their small dining room table together for the first time in nearly a week. “And Gayeun, ugh, she’s still driving me nuts.”

Taekwoon showers after dinner. Wonsik’s undoubtedly trying to make the night easy for him by doing all the cooking and cleaning, batting him away when he offers to help, and the feelings don’t sit well in Taekwoon’s stomach.

Wonsik bathes quickly afterwards and they both find themselves on the couch watching television to wind down. Taekwoon has a hard time focusing on whatever is playing—some drama that’s already twenty episodes in, he thinks. He glances over at Wonsik, frowning almost, exhaustion creeping even further as he stares. Something doesn’t feel right even when it should be.

Wonsik’s looking at him the next time he blinks back into reality. The concern on his face is written so clearly that Taekwoon doesn’t even need to begin reading into it. “Tired?” He questions.

A second goes by and Taekwoon has already forgotten what Wonsik had asked. A response does come out, though. Gently, one he never exactly planned. “I want you…”

The request feels incomplete on his lips once the words make it out. He gaps silently for a moment, focusing back on Wonsik whose expression softens significantly into an easy smile. “Yeah?” He follows enthusiastically, leaning in towards Taekwoon a little.

Taekwoon instinctively draws back, releasing just the slightest sound as Wonsik moves against him, over him, to the point his head now rests carefully atop the couch’s armrest. His fingers grasp onto the younger’s arms, shutting his eyes as Wonsik’s face dips into his neck, and the sound of the television becomes lost. Soft kisses melt against his skin. One, two, three—

He jolts, body squirming, kicking his legs up onto the couch at the man above him. Wonsik’s laughing, poking and tickling his sensitive skin underneath his loose t-shirt. His heels are hitting Wonsik, hands nearly clawing, and his eyes open up to a large grin, one reflecting his own. His head feels light, pure and shimmering, watching as Wonsik begins to wither away under Taekwoon’s feathery touch down his sides.

It’s not long before Taekwoon wins this one, before Wonsik stumbles off and around the coffee table, catching his breath, his laughter, with arms protectively wound around himself. Taekwoon’s head rolls to the side, eyeing Wonsik’s taunting smirk, and not being able to stop himself from playing along. He’s fast, leaping towards the younger who manages to swiftly grab his shoulders and spin them both in the opposite direction. Arms warp around his waist and he leans back, looking up with his mouth curved open. Wonsik nuzzles into his hair, cooing an airy, “Bed?”

 

The fresh breath of Wonsik’s lingering toothpaste feels cool against his senses. They’re carefully watching one another, smiles holding as Wonsik continues stepping forward and Taekwoon’s feet take him back. The younger vibrates a soft moan into his ear and a chill prickles his nerves as he reacts, naturally, like a reflex burned into his subconscious, and his arms are up, shielding himself perfectly: a hand holding Wonsik’s shoulder and the other pushing back on his face.

Wonsik hums again knowingly, running his tongue lightly across Taekwoon’s palm in such a way that has worked immediately in the past, but definitely will not this time. One of the younger’s half lidded eyes peeks a firm gaze from in between two of his fingers and the sight has Taekwoon snickering behind his curled lips.

But he gives in to this game, admits defeat for the moment, dropping his hands to Wonsik’s chest. Tonight’s a good night—they’re going to bed together. Not that the act is especially rare these days, just infrequent and often unpredictable.

It feels good, lying against the mattress, kissing Wonsik like it’s been a lifetime since their last. Their intimacy has never been generally romantic, but it works for them. It’s actually a major reason he was able to feel comfortable getting into this relationship. Because Wonsik somehow manages to make everything fun. He doesn’t take things too seriously, doesn’t make them overwhelming, but is still just as passionate, as loving.  

They take their time, rolling around over one another on the sheets, laughing at everything even if none of it should be funny at all, and Wonsik holds his face, pulling Taekwoon down atop him in the end.

They’re quickly heated and breathless and bare, puffs warm and eye contact glossy when firm; Taekwoon slows all movements significantly despite the quick whine from the man below him. He lifts Wonsik’s clutched hand, leaving the lightest presses of his lips kissed against his knuckles, all while listening to the younger moan lowly through the most beautiful smile developing onto his face.

 

The muffled stereo from the television forgotten in the living room irritates his serenity as he comes down, cheek pressed against Wonsik’s chest and legs hooked together at their ankles. Wonsik’s thumb treads in a soothing back and forth motion along his shoulder as he leans his face down into Taekwoon’s hair, exhaling a simple, “Mm, you smell good,” despite the fact they’ve been sharing the same body wash for months now.

His head lifts and Wonsik shifts, nuzzling, softly kissing Taekwoon’s temple until he can fully slip down his neck. Taekwoon’s eyes shut, instinctively tilting his jaw when a warm tongue drags back up. His lips linger, wet and tempting, and Taekwoon’s fingers curl weakly at Wonsik’s shoulder. The younger pauses after a moment, asking in a curious tone, “Want to go again?”

Taekwoon lets his eyes slit open, gazing into Wonsik’s large ones as they come back up into his view. But the look doesn’t last because Wonsik’s already sliding away, reaching towards the nightstand before bending a leg between Taekwoon’s. “We can switch this time if you’re tired,” he gently adds.

There’s hesitance in his smile—or maybe guilt; an apology covered tone. But Taekwoon is tired, very tired because it’s getting late. Late for him, for his schedule. He reaches and Wonsik comes down, allowing his arms to fold around his neck, and for the younger’s warmth of bare skin to cover him. “Can we stay like this?”

It’s a long few minutes that they do. Taekwoon knows he’s letting Wonsik down, knows all Wonsik wants to do these days is take care of him, but he’s not giving in tonight.

 

“Is it work?” Wonsik asks after a little more time. His voice comes out light—caring.

“Work?” Taekwoon murmurs a sleepy response.

“I don’t normally need to rely on you being ticklish to get you to smile,” he says sharply, dancing a couple of fingers lightly just beneath Taekwoon’s ribcage.

His body twitches and face contorts quickly from some sort of a snarl to a grin and he pushes Wonsik’s chest until he falls off him and to the side.

“Sunghwan treated me to lunch today. I think he feels really bad about all the extra work,” Taekwoon begins, following Wonsik with his eyes as the younger bounces off the bed and shuffles around the room.

He hands Taekwoon a glass of water from the nightstand, crawling onto his side of the bed again after turning off the rest of the lights and finally the television from the other room. “Yeah, it’s unlike you to stay late for work. But won’t it get better with the new girl?”

Taekwoons frowns considerably, “Sunghwan doesn’t have a good feeling about her. She’ll be training with me next week, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Alright, well don’t get too stressed. It’s just work. Keep me updated,” Wonsik responds with a hopeful nod. “Anyway, I have to tell you something.”

They’re looking at one another, cheeks sunken into their pillows, and if Taekwoon were ready to pass out, he’s certainly not anymore. “What?”

Wonsik looks away, expression falling as if what he’s about to say is hard to word.

“Wonsik, what?” He repeats impatiently.

“I’m not going to be able to make it on Friday—to the dinner,” he pauses for a moment, quickly grasping Taekwoon’s wrist from under the covers. “I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry, babe.”

Honestly, he’s not all that surprised. Still, he wants to groan because the heightened disappointment is almost unexpected, but he forces a sigh out instead.

“Markus planned a last minute trip for the group of us to travel to Jeju Island to meet with a studio there. It… Could be a really great opportunity for us and… We leave Friday morning and return Sunday night.”

It’s clear this could be a big deal. Maybe if his feelings were normal right now he’d be happy for Wonsik—ecstatic, even. But it’s the opposite. No matter how strongly he’s currently fighting it, he can’t help the devastation that’s lowly simmering. Not just for the dinner, but for how much he’s recently been eager for Wonsik to be around.

A warm hand gently cups his face and he blinks over towards Wonsik’s eyes. “I’ll make it up to you. Once I get back, let’s plan a date. Like, a real date. And… Tell your mother I’ll definitely be there for the next dinner, okay?” Wonsik’s emotions shatter silently, Taekwoon just knows. He also knows Wonsik’s left that exact message for his mom the past two times already.

 

Wonsik’s passed out on the couch in the morning. The sight leaves nothing but a clutching chime in Taekwoon’s chest as he remembers them falling asleep together last night. Well, maybe it was only him that did and maybe it was Wonsik who didn’t actually take the full night off. Either way, it’s Thursday and Wonsik leaves tomorrow, meaning this will most likely be the last he sees of the younger until next week.

So he sighs before pulling on one leg of their coffee table to make room for the inevitable fumbling Wonsik’s limp and tired body is going proceed with. He probably won’t even remember it come his morning, but at least Taekwoon will feel better.

“Wonsik,” he whispers across the younger’s face, giving a slight tug on his arm before gripping around his waist. “Let’s bring you to bed.”

“Hm?” The younger moans as he’s lifted off the couch and pulled against Taekwoon’s side.

There isn’t much more talking since Taekwoon’s struggling and Wonsik’s barely even there to begin with. Eventually he’s able to drop Wonsik onto the bed, taking in a few deeps breaths to make up for all the effort.

“Are you leaving?” Wonsik murmurs, opting to curl his arms around his head instead of reaching for a pillow.

But Taekwoon leans over him, bringing one of their pillows down to his level anyway. “Yeah.”

“Don’t stress,” the younger says lowly, shutting his eyes.

Taekwoon nods even though Wonsik can’t see him. He sinks down, leaving a light kiss to Wonsik’s cheek before slipping out of the room to not disturb his slumber for any longer.

 

 

“Do you want another coffee?” Sunghwan asks for what seems to be the second time. Taekwoon might have missed the first due to his headphones being on. But his boss still stands there, leaning his hip against the edge of the desk. “You don’t need to work through your lunch.”

“I don’t want to stay late tonight.” He kicks his chair to swivel around, looking at Sunghwan’s unimpressed expression. There’s a shrug and the conversation is over.

 

The effort wasn’t necessary, anyway. Rain pours from the clouds above during his ride home while he watches the droplets shoot off the window from his usual seat on the train. Even with an umbrella, he chooses to go directly home tonight. The apartment is dark and a little too cold for anyone to be home and comfortable. There’s a note on the counter, written in a typical Wonsik fashion.

_‘I’ll be heading straight to the airport from work tomorrow, so I’m not coming home tonight. No need to make me dinner! (although I’ll miss it…) Have a nice and relaxing weekend. The guys and I will be doing some really silly things, so I’ll make sure to take pictures for you. You need to think about what you want to do for our date. Anything! I’ll probably make it home Sunday. Also, your car is in the garage. I love you!!’_

It’s cute, Taekwoon thinks as he folds the paper back up, running a couple fingers down to smooth the crease, that Wonsik still writes notes like he did when they first met. His mother laughed about it, about how some boy left her son a note in this century, but she feels the same as Taekwoon does now. Wonsik’s charming in his own ways. And even though he’s not home, he has still left a smile lingering on Taekwoon’s face as he cooks dinner for one, as he thinks about how they’ve managed to make it to this point.

 

 

Two and a half months was the amount of time he made Wonsik wait. He didn’t plan anything out nor did he even think he would go searching for the one note from the one boy at that one specific wedding. It was a bad day, a bad week, actually. He was a month out of school and was constantly going into job interviews only to keep being rejected by employers. His small part time jobs in college were nothing in comparison to the interrogations he was going through during this time.

Stress was the biggest part, but a slight hangover one morning was the other. He laid in his old bed at his parent’s home, reaching out for a water bottle on his bedside table that just wasn’t actually there, and grabbing his phone instead. Though this period in time was actually short, that part of his life was quite difficult for him and nothing seemed to help alleviate the feelings. He had tried going out more, seeing his friends more, but there wasn’t much luck working there to bring up his spirits. Again, it was his mother who had reminded him a few days prior, ‘ _Did you ever reach out to that boy from Younggi’s wedding? It was Miyoung’s son, right? The one with the note. Ah, what was his name…’_

Her heart was in the right place, but Taekwoon’s wasn’t anywhere to be found. He hadn’t thought of Wonsik since that day, yet he still remembered the name, the fun he had with him to be enough to spike his curiosity again. And maybe that’s all he wanted at the time. As his headache pounded away from the one too many drinks he had the previous night, he crawled out of bed to a set of drawers on his computer desk, pulling them open one by one until he found Wonsik’s note tucked in there.

He had disregarded what the note meant besides the numbers, forgotten that he was only supposed to contact Wonsik when and if he was ready to take a shot at dating. The truth was, he wasn’t ready, but he didn’t even reread the note to take that into consideration. He punched the numbers carefully into his phone, pausing only when he got down to the message box, unsure of what to say, if Wonsik would even remember him after so long. Yet he still initiated it, he still sent a simple, _‘Hey… This is Taekwoon.’_

Not even ten minutes later, his phone buzzed with a response. _‘Finally.’_

 

They met up that same day, Wonsik insisted after Taekwoon vaguely filled him in on what he was going through. _‘We can do something fun,’_ he said, and that was exactly what Taekwoon wanted to hear, wanted out of him.

Wonsik appeared younger than the first time they had met, but it must have been due to only ever seeing him in a tuxedo previously. Though, his smile was the same as he remembered as they sat across from one another in a small café not too far from Taekwoon’s home, each sipping hot tea out of thick glasses.

Taekwoon shouldn’t have been taken aback by how much Wonsik wanted to talk, but he was. They didn’t speak much at all during the wedding and it was kind of hard for him to keep up with now, especially when the younger was much more enthusiastic this time. _‘I mean, you were hot. Really hot,’_ he laughed out honestly, causing Taekwoon to drop his head into his arms. _‘And the wedding was so boring… Like, there were so many pretty and flashy girls there, but I didn’t catch you looking at a single one of them, so I thought… Anyway, once I sat down with you, I immediately liked you. And even though what we did was a blast, I’m not really into the one and done kind of encounters—which is why I’m happy you’re sitting with me now.’_

Taekwoon remembered Wonsik’s simple message left on the note instantly after that. He became somewhat stiff, unable to control himself, and reached out for his tea to satisfy the need to do anything else.

Even though they were meant to do something fun that day, they stayed at the café far too long to continue elsewhere. They had both relaxed from the atmosphere and from how simple it was. Wonsik was captivating with his stories and when Taekwoon spoke, his attentiveness was only encouraging. Taekwoon didn’t even realize how many hours they were there for until he noticed the sun was no longer illuminating the sky out the window.

He was jittery, happy, and ended up giving Wonsik a ride home since he wasn’t quite ready to part just yet. They pulled against the curb of his parent’s apartment building and gave one another a look as Taekwoon put the car in park.

_‘Kiss?’_ Wonsik chimed with a smug little grin, tilting his head so his eyes appeared larger, more endearing. They met in the middle, lips pressing softly and quickly. Taekwoon heard it more than felt it, breaking away slightly before glancing up, only to let his head fall back down alongside a bashful snicker.

It was too small, too innocent for what they had already done in the past. Thoughts of having sex in the back of his parent’s old SUV he was driving came to mind. It would have been weird doing that in the car he basically grew up with, but he’d already done worse at that point to care too much about it.

His hand curved around Wonsik’s neck, leading him back in for some longer, deeper kisses that had them both releasing small, quiet moans. Wonsik was the one to pull away first, babbling, _‘You—You can’t just do that! I’m trying to build anticipation!’_

And Taekwoon laughed, loudly and clearer this time, feeling the weightlessness from his chest working all the way down to his toes. Maybe it was good they had already hooked up before, he thought. Because his response made Wonsik’s grin grow before his hand was slapped over his reddening face. _‘What anticipation? We’ve already sucked each other’s dicks.’_

 

 

The bed is fairly cool once Taekwoon slips under the covers, gazing over at Wonsik’s side through the darkness. After a long, quiet moment, he rolls over into the center to make the emptiness less apparent, spreading his limbs out before shutting his eyes.

 

 

His first picture message from Wonsik arrives during the afternoon, but he doesn’t look at it since he’s at work. The chair wheezes as he leans back, stretching his arms up and noticing Sunghwan glancing at him from across the room. But he ignores it, lifting his steaming coffee mug up to his lips.

It has felt like a long day so far and there’s still so much more to get through. He’s been working on additions to their database and it has been a series of trials and errors for hours, especially with the random phone calls from the helpless workers above interrupting his concentration. Hana appears bored with her fist deep into her cheek as she clicks away with her other hand. He wonders what Sunghwan could possibly have her doing.

His department eventually clears out as the day comes to an end. People are laughing and loud, celebrating the start of another weekend. But Taekwoon stays, wanting to finish up some of his work before heading out.

 

An elderly woman beats him to his seat on the train today, so he sits in his designated backup spot on the opposite side. His phone reminds him he now has two new messages from Wonsik, but he still doesn’t have the will to open them right now.

He chooses to not going back up to the apartment once he makes it home. His mother is expecting him for dinner as soon as possible and he’s already late from staying longer at work.

His car is exactly where Wonsik said it would be—parked in their assigned spot in the building’s garage.

It almost feels odd climbing in through the driver’s side door, having to move the seat up since Wonsik is taller. The amount of times he actually drives his car has become quite low these days. Despite the vehicle being his, Wonsik is the one who drives it just about daily. He wouldn’t know how to get to and from work without it. And even when they go out together, Wonsik typically jumps into the driver’s seat like it’s natural.

Taekwoon doesn’t mind—he never really did when it came down to the decision. He just remembers how excited he was to purchase the car. Used, of course, but still a newer model and sleek on the inside. Black and high end, having technical features Wonsik will never understand how to fully utilize, but ones Taekwoon’s dreamt of for years. Aside from moving into his own apartment, this was his biggest purchase once he finally got his first job after college. The company was far, too far for public transportation to make his commute a more efficient option, and having his own car was better than borrowing his family’s SUV all the time.

Although, his first job didn’t last too long since he technically was just freelancing. Once the project was over, so was his six months of employment and he was back looking for more work again. Thankfully, he was hired for his current job soon after. In the beginning, he drove to and from work, but it was then Wonsik’s parents suddenly kicked him out of their home, and changes happened quickly.

It wasn’t an easy time for either of them and it was the only time in their early relationship that was exceptionally nerve racking for him. Taekwoon couldn’t blame Wonsik. His parents were extremely upset that he decided to drop out of school to work on music and reality quickly caught up with Taekwoon on what Wonsik truly wanted out of their relationship.

Taekwoon never intended to have Wonsik move in with him. His apartment was his own space, a place where he could relax and breathe easy. Sure, Wonsik was often there, but their relationship still wasn’t concrete.

_‘I don’t know,’_ he admitted to Wonsik during their third or fourth date. _‘I won’t like—cheat on you or anything… It’s not like that. I’m just—I don’t think I know how to fully commit in a relationship.’_

The stern frown on Wonsik’s face when he said that reminded him of a boy with crumbling dreams. His expression broke after another silent moment, one where his thoughtful gaze drifted off and his fingers folded together to support his chin. _‘Well,’_ he began with a forced, nervous chuckle, ‘ _please don’t cheat on me. Let’s take one day at a time. I like you and it seems that you also like me, so… We can just roll with that and see where it takes us.’_

Taekwoon felt terrible, felt it was unfair of him, but Wonsik was willing to work with him on relieving the pressure, on not labelling what they had, and it helped. He did like Wonsik, but unlike the younger, he was more of a fan of those ‘one and done’ relationships. In fact, that was all he’d ever known.

He offered Wonsik a key soon after he found out he had nowhere else to really go. He would sleep at his work, on friend’s couches, and Taekwoon didn’t want that for him. The first night, Wonsik slipped off his shoes with three small suitcases behind him and took steps forward until he could bring Taekwoon into his arms. And it was a long time they stood there, close and warm, holding, all while Wonsik couldn’t stop talking, stop thanking, stop expressing all his feelings.

_‘I know you like being on your own and yet you’re letting this happen. I mean—I just… I really love you, you know that? Of course you do. It’s been two years for us. That’s a long time. A really long time. Well, not really, but you know what, I—I’m making no sense. I’m sorry.’_

_‘It’s okay.’_

_‘Things won’t be all that different, okay? I probably won’t be around all the time. This job—it keeps me busy. And I’m excited to move forward with it even though I’m sad for other reasons.’_

_‘Your parents will come around.’_

_‘I hope so.’_

They really haven’t, sadly, but Wonsik’s become stronger since. It was all based on money and the fact Wonsik was so close to finishing school, but just didn’t have it in him to, especially not when he was so involved with other hobbies. He volunteered at first, spending much of his free time at this studio trying to learn as much as he could there rather than from the school books in his backpack. Then the job offer was presented and Wonsik had to make a choice. An easy one, for him.

His mother still contacts him every one and a while to make sure he’s alive, but that’s about it. Taekwoon gave up his car to Wonsik after a few weeks of them living together since Wonsik’s job took him to many different places while Taekwoon’s was the same daily, and it has worked out ever since.

 

 

“No Wonsik?” His mother questions, pulling him into a tight hug at the doorstep of his family home.

He pats the back of his ever loving mother. “Something came up with his work and he has to travel out of town this weekend. He said that he will make sure he can come next time.”

“Mm,” she releases, eyeing Taekwoon suspiciously and taking a step back to welcome her youngest inside. “I hope so. We haven’t seen him in a long time. Everything going well with you two?”

Taekwoon pauses before pressing his lips into a small smile. “Yeah.”

 

He loves being home, being with his family. Only one of his sisters doesn’t make it for this dinner, but they have them so often that everyone understands if the family isn’t full. He sits at his family’s large table, waiting for his mother to give him the cue that she could use his help with the prep work. His two other sisters and their husbands are in the living room chatting with one another, but he decides to stay where he is. No one should be surprised by his behavior. He’s always been like this ever since he was young.

Wonsik would probably sit with him if he were here. Either that or be helping his mother before she even requests it. Sometimes he thinks it’s funny how well his mother and Wonsik get along. Then again, Wonsik is already considered family at this point, especially after his mother found out that his parents had kicked him out.

Taekwoon thinks of himself lucky that his family is so accepting. He had never specifically told anyone about his preferences, but he wasn’t exactly secretive about them in the first place. Even Wonsik was surprised when he found out about Taekwoon’s family. Saying, _‘You know, when I first handed your mother the note, I was slightly terrified she would understand what it really was. But only a second afterwards, she looked back up at me with almost… A sympathetic smile? I was confused for a moment, but then she told me, “Good luck, hun,” and I just thought—wow, even his mom is cool.’_

His father never spoke of it until one evening where he pulled Wonsik into another room in the house. Curious, Taekwoon tried to listen closely, but couldn’t quite make out most of the conversation. He assumed his father must have seen them playing around earlier that night when they were laughing and messing with one another on the loveseat in the living room because the only sentence he clearly heard his father say was, _‘You make my son happy.’_ When they both returned to the rest of the family, Wonsik immediately locked his gaze with Taekwoon’s. His eyes were glossy against the lighting and his smile—adoring and unforgettable.  

 

“You’re so much quieter without Wonsik,” his eldest sister whispers from beside him. They’re all eating, sharing in the meal that his mother enjoys putting together for her family. Taekwoon glances over at her and nods, surveying the remainder of the table, his siblings sitting closely with their significant others, before gazing back down at his plate.

 

 

There are now four picture messages from Wonsik that have piled up throughout the day. Taekwoon puts his phone down on the kitchen counter once he finally makes it back home. His mother left him with some boxed food with Wonsik in mind, but he knows it will go bad before the younger makes it home.

The night is quiet. Taekwoon shuts off the lights in the living room before he peeks past the closed blinds to take a look outside. The streets below have calmed with the evening hours passing by and the coolness from the outside air transfers through the glass as his nose becomes chilled. There’s not much else to do tonight, so he takes a shower, and lies down in the center of his bed.

 

He’s glad he’s good at sleeping. The act has never been something he’s struggled doing, not even when he found out just how loud Wonsik can get at night. So he’s not surprised when he wakes up almost thirteen hours later, groggy, and feeling almost as tired as he was when going to bed. He’s more used to seeing Wonsik in the morning rather than not, but none of that matters because he still gets up.  

The bright blue from outside radiates throughout the living room after he draws the blinds back, sitting on the couch to eat his mother’s reheated leftovers instead of making something new. He’s on call today in case some of the upstairs workers have problems that they are trying to cram in before the new week, but the month is still early and the chances of him having to go to work are slim even with his group being understaffed. His phone is on the counter exactly where he had left it, showing he still has four new messages from Wonsik to be looked at.

There aren’t any plans to go out today. He has a faint headache from all the sleep and yet that’s all he feels like doing. His feet take him back to the bedroom where he simply stares through the entrance way. The room is dark since he never opens the blinds in here. Wonsik usually does since he wakes up later.

He picks up a warm sweatshirt off the floor and slips it on over his t-shirt, looking in the side mirror at himself and his lazy outfit paired with just some shorts he put on when he first woke up. Wonsik’s possessions have become mixed in with his own during the months they’ve been living together. Nearing a year at this point. There are times neither of them remember whose stuff is whose, but they don’t care too much about it.

Their lifestyle together isn’t dirty, just unorganized. Maybe more about their relationship is similar to that, he thinks as he picks up his phone, as he finally looks through the pictures Wonsik has sent him so far.

His fingers pull and pinch at the screen to see everything Wonsik is trying to show him. There’s nothing but happiness on the younger’s face in the first two. A drink in one hand and two other people in the background by a fountain he’s never seen before. The lights around it change the water red and the spout at the top is a school of fish collected together.

The second is from the airport. Wonsik has taken a picture with a woman as they pose with their fingers pointing up. Eyes closed, but smiles large.

No one is in the third photo. Instead it is of the rocks, the beach of Jeju Island at sunset. The colors are vibrant and beautiful, reflecting almost like rainbows against the calm water.

And the final picture is of a fancier dinner table set outside with at least ten people. Taekwoon doesn’t recognize any of them besides Wonsik, but none of the other people matter to him. Wonsik’s smiling, holding a champagne glass as if they’re celebrating something.

He drops his phone down on the couch cushion as he spreads out, laying his head on the armrest. There are always these feelings that emerge whenever Wonsik shares pictures like these that Taekwoon doesn’t quite know how to deal with.

Wonsik is probably the most joyful and carefree person he has ever met and it is no surprise to anyone after just one meeting with him. He’s captivating and optimistic even when situations go bad. Every day is a new journey for him, fun experiences that are just waiting to bloom, to enrich his life. There really isn’t a set path or routine he follows.

And maybe that’s why Taekwoon has found him mesmerizing. He’s everything Taekwoon isn’t. Being with him for any given moment feeds Taekwoon with an endless drip of pleasure and adventure. Even running simple errands together are fun to him. More fun than almost anything else.

So when he sees pictures of Wonsik’s life outside, he often feels unnecessary, inadequate, because what does he bring to Wonsik’s life like that? He’s not on these adventures with him; he’s sticking to his daily routines, to going off to work and coming home, to being exhausted and stressing about his ‘boring’ job.

And with another fifteen minutes of that thought, he sits up, moving too quickly that he blinks the white stars away as he stumbles over to his desk in the corner. It’s become dusty with the lack of use as of lately, lack of him accepting his friend’s invitations when they ask if he wants to game with them. His finger presses the power button on the computer, waiting until the lights flash and the system whirls while it boots up. Books and old mail are pushed aside as he pulls the keyboard and mouse out from under the buildup.

Something about sitting at his desk calms him slightly. It’s familiar and fitting, his hands easily falling back into the molds he’s spent years creating for himself. His desktop is filled with random files of old documents and programs that he had once worked on or fiddled with either for his old job or in his past free time. He leans back, looking to the left to see his diploma leaning haphazardly against the wall. He’s not thinking much as he reaches for it, glossing over the texting reading _Computer Sciences_ and _Jung Taekwoon_. It’s his. It’s him. And he puts it down to focus back on the monitor. On searching through his files, through the internet for hours.

 

 

His Sunday goes by similarly. Headset on, he’s raising his voice, yelling at his two friends who are teaming up to completely destroy him within their game. He’s getting frustrated, but unwilling to give up. More picture messages have been sent by Wonsik, but Taekwoon hasn’t been in the mood to look at them. He’s clearing his mind, doing his own thing, and it ended late last night, only to start back up again late today too.  

Eventually he tires himself out, giving his excuses and goodbyes to his friends in order to prepare for bed. He has work in the morning. So he goes through his nightly routine, showering, and collapsing on the bed. Wonsik said he’d be home tonight, but he didn’t give a time or anything specific. Taekwoon thinks about it, still. Thinks about Wonsik—and how much he’d like to be with him right now.

 

 

“Babe—hey.”

There are fingers combing his hair back as his eyelids blink open. He sits up quickly with a sudden jolt and rush of adrenaline, looking around until he catches sight of Wonsik leaning over the bedside. “You scared me,” he means to say softly, but it comes out with more of a whine than anything. “What time is it?”

“It’s a little after one,” Wonsik responds with an apologetic smile on his face.

The more he focuses on Wonsik, the more he doesn’t understand why he’s been woken up. His heart hasn’t slowed much from his initial shock, but he’s still tired. Wonsik looks alright, freshly showered, hair still wet, standing in nothing but his underwear. A look he really only has for bed when it becomes warm out. “Is something wrong?”

Wonsik hesitates, stepping a knee on the bed once Taekwoon scoots back to his side. “I was going to ask you that.”

“Why?”

“Because I came home to you passed out in the middle of the bed,” he starts gently, but pauses before finishing the thought. “You’re not even under the sheets. I was just going to give you a little push and climb in, but I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Taekwoon curls his legs up to his torso, feeling the distinct texture of their comforter against his skin as he does so. Part of him feels stupid and the rest of him is too drowsy to care. He assists Wonsik in lifting the covers up before swinging his lower half underneath. “I must have just fallen asleep that fast,” he says, thinking about how that can’t be completely true.

Wonsik doesn’t give him anything more than a hum on that. They’re facing one another again and Taekwoon acts without much thought, taking Wonsik’s wrist, and pulling it out towards him. Wonsik extends his hand as if in anticipation to grab something, but it’s Taekwoon who moves in, back towards the center of the bed where he’s slept most of the weekend, and relaxing right at the younger’s side. His hand runs across Wonsik’s chest, feeling his familiar warm skin, and understanding Wonsik’s comment from the other day about him smelling good. They may use the same body wash, but Wonsik still has his usual scent that is very distinct, very natural.

Wonsik gets it, bending his arm back in to rub against Taekwoon’s spine. He whispers, “Since when have you been so into cuddling?”

Taekwoon chooses not to answer.

“I like it.”

“I’m tired.”

“Go back to sleep.”

 

He’s still laying on Wonsik’s arm come morning—his morning. The alarm clock is too far for him to just hit it off without moving. Wonsik doesn’t register the sound, but it gets irritating for himself after another minute. He pecks his lips to the younger’s skin before rolling over and sitting up. The quietness returns and Taekwoon takes in a deep breath, glancing back at Wonsik’s sleeping figure as he takes his first steps out of bed.

There’s a numbness that’s preventing him from feeling embarrassed about his actions. He’s relieved, happy to see Wonsik back home, even if he’ll only see him asleep this morning. Bags are sitting by the door from Wonsik’s trip. It seems that he just put them down and walked away to deal with them later. Taekwoon wishes he had something prepared to welcome him back, but he doesn’t.  He decides he’ll pick up dinner tonight.

 

 

“You’ll see all of our data and tables from the servers through this database. You should never need to edit anything here, but you can use the data to make any sort of program. They’re all labelled, but if you can’t find specifically what you’re looking for, just ask one of us,” he explains to Hana while she’s sitting with him. She seems to be taking notes diligently today and it helps Taekwoon feel as if he’s not wasting his time. “If there’s a problem with what is directly related to the data centers, ask Dahae and she’ll help you. We don’t really work with the cabinets themselves, but they’re just down the hall. I hate going in there. It’s always cold.”

She smiles at the last comment and somehow it has Taekwoon snickering as well.

The day is long, but he learns Hana isn’t always as disinterested as Sunghwan made her out to be. She seems shy, quiet, and Taekwoon is one to understand that.

 

He looks at his phone during lunch at the last two pictures Wonsik had sent him yesterday. One is of what looks like a very high tech recording studio. He’s not sure exactly what all the equipment does, but there’s a lot and he imagines Wonsik must have gone crazy over it.  

The second one is just a picture Wonsik took of himself. He appears to be lying down in his hotel bed with a silly expression on his face and his finger and thumb are crossed to form a heart in the corner. Taekwoon saves this one.

 

His work has completely piled up due to the training, but Sunghwan says he’ll take care of it this week. Taekwoon leaves on time and it almost feels off to after the last week. The train ride is the same, sun shining from the same spot in the sky that it always does from the usual seat, and he stops at a noodle restaurant this evening since he knows it is Wonsik’s favorite.

A light illuminating through the living room window has Taekwoon stopping on the sidewalk for a moment to count, to make sure he’s looking at the correct unit that is his. Typically Wonsik lets him know when he’s going to be home, but he hasn’t heard anything from him today.

But he is there, sitting in his normal spot on the couch, leaning over to his laptop.

“You’re home,” Taekwoon states curiously as he steps inside.

Wonsik doesn’t look at him yet, immersed in his work, but he still responds. “Yeah, I didn’t go in. We are all so tired from the weekend that Markus told us to rest for now.”

Taekwoon’s expression settles into a relaxed smile. “Did you sleep?”

“Thankfully,” he sighs, finally shutting his laptop and standing up. “Oh, you got food? I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out tonight.”

“Ah,” Taekwoon releases regretfully, placing the bags of food atop the counter. “We can save this for later?”

“No, I see what you got. I’m fine with this.” Wonsik smiles as leans over the opposite side of the counter, digging into the bags.

 

“So, are you looking for a new job or something?” Wonsik questions while they’re washing up the handful of dishes they dirtied during dinner. “There are a few copies of your resume on the coffee table that I noticed.”

He flashes a glance at the younger, unsure of how to respond in a way that’s not too alarming. “I tried applying to some places over the weekend.” Some being nine, specifically.

Wonsik frowns faintly, taking a plate Taekwoon just cleaned out of his hand, “I thought you liked your job? Is the stress getting to you that badly?”

Taekwoon pauses, rinsing out the sudsy sponge under the faucet. “I do. I just—don’t know right now.”

“Want to talk about it?” the younger asks, closing the last of the cabinets now that their small chore is over.

He stares off at the one crooked tile on the kitchen floor while he thinks about this. He—really doesn’t want to worry or concern Wonsik while they have time to be together. Justifying that it’s probably something that he can figure out on his own, he responds with, “I’d rather just listen to you.”

 

So Wonsik nods and they move to the couch in the living room, sitting at their usual sides, and the younger goes over his weekend, his trip. He went with a large group and not only did they do work, but they also went out sightseeing in their free time. The studios they visited were ones that made Wonsik nervous to even step into, but he kept himself cool in the face of producers he idolizes, names Taekwoon has never heard of. Most of his time there was spent collaborating, learning, and watching Wonsik explain the details keeps Taekwoon’s attention more than the stories do. Wonsik’s expressing his passions again—and it’s captivating. The joy he absorbs out of his new experiences, just like from within the pictures he specifically sent Taekwoon, shines clearly.  

“What did you do?” He asks to stop himself, probably knowing he can keep talking forever.

Taekwoon points out his arm towards the corner of the room where his desktop sits. “Games.”

Wonsik laughs and Taekwoon doesn’t really understand why. “That’s it?”

“I saw my family on Friday, but yeah…” His tone softens even though Wonsik’s grin doesn’t falter.

“Well, then that explains how I found you sleeping last night. I’m glad you made it to bed at all,” Wonsik chimes, a look of relief glistening through his gentle gaze. In the past, Wonsik has returned to the apartment and found Taekwoon sleeping on his keyboard, but it has been a long time since he’s done that. “How was the dinner? Is your mother upset with me?”

The slight pout on the younger’s face has Taekwoon’s lips curling up, has him exaggerating, “She didn’t seem to believe me when I gave your excuse. It appears she thinks I’ve kicked you out.”

But Wonsik’s fast with this game. “Why would she think that? Do you often lie to your mom?”

“I never lie to my mom.”

“You’re saying you have never ever lied to your mom?” He sneers, shooting over a confident glance.

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you did.”

Taekwoon simply stares, fighting a smile by biting at his lip.

“Hm?”

He’s getting cocky, but Taekwoon can play along well. “It’s because she hasn’t seen you. She’s used to seeing someone I’m with once and then never again.”

“I’m the exception.”

There’s a sudden drop in the younger’s expression that sends a euphoric surge through his nerves. “You might have to keep proving that to her.”

Wonsik gives in, voice small, “Fine, I’ll give her a call later.”

Taekwoon can’t help it anymore. He laughs, curving his eyes and dropping his head down, only to lift it back up when Wonsik swipes a finger underneath his chin. His body winces, blinking back up to Wonsik leaning in towards him with a smirk gracing his face. He playfully swats at the younger’s shoulder, only causing Wonsik to return the hit. “Ya,” he calls, but it’s too late for any of that. Wonsik’s hand is already reaching around his neck, pulling him in until their lips meet.

There’s a moment of a heightened rush quickly followed by a vast calmness. Wonsik scoots in closer, alleviating the strain, and Taekwoon’s eyes remain shut. His fingers bend around Wonsik’s arm as the younger’s other hand pushes back. Taekwoon wasn’t ready for it to end and he makes sure Wonsik is aware of that by immediately sending him a look.

It doesn’t seem to give him the desired reaction, though. Wonsik chuckles, pecking Taekwoon’s lips once more as he holds his face and releases a faint, “You’re so cute.”

He almost wants to repeat the exact same words, but instead he pushes on Wonsik, leaning over him as he sinks back against the couch. His hands immediately go to Taekwoon’s neck, almost making sure that wherever they’re going, they’re in it together.

It’s a lot of kissing, a lot of Taekwoon lifting up and maneuvering Wonsik’s legs only so he can fit himself between them. His heart is beating quickly and Wonsik’s fingers are curled into his hair. He feels good, really good, listening to Wonsik moan as a confirmation those feelings are shared.

But he jolts after another minute once he hears a ringer going off, the vibration of a phone buzzing against a table. A couple rings go by and Wonsik doesn’t seem to notice, though, not until Taekwoon hesitantly pulls away.

“Do you…,” he breathes, sitting up slightly to give the younger some room. “Should you get that?”

Wonsik only gazes at him, eyes half lidded and nearly blank. The phone goes silent with the missed call, but it immediately begins repeating again. The younger opens up his hand and Taekwoon reaches towards the coffee table to grab it for him.

“This is Kim Wonsik,” he greets in a surprisingly expressionless tone. Taekwoon sits back on the couch, pulling in his knees towards his chest as he waits.

Wonsik spins his body again into his usual position, clearing his throat and quickly apologizing for it. He’s not talking much other than short acknowledging hums every few seconds. Taekwoon’s mind quickly concludes that he’s probably being asked to go back to work, to spend the rest of the night there instead of at home, and Wonsik’s side of the conversation isn’t giving him much to think otherwise.

Eventually, Wonsik springs with a stern, “No, not now. I’m already busy.” The call doesn’t seem to end quite yet and Taekwoon contemplates getting up to give him some privacy. “I’ll sign on later tonight and work on it.”  

And that’s about it. Wonsik says a quick goodbye and looks over at Taekwoon once again.

“Next time we should just let it go,” he chuckles, but the laugh isn’t genuine. “They want me to come in now, but I said no.”

“How come?” Taekwoon follows softly.

“Because I really just want to be with you right now. I feel like… I almost feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks even when I have.” He stops, but Taekwoon doesn’t know what to respond with. “And your work is stressing you out. I want to be here for you.”

“I only sent out resumes,” Taekwoon gives an attempt to lessen the situation.

“But are things okay?”

His concerned behavior is reminding him of their very first date. Somehow, Wonsik was able to convince him to immediately come out and talk, to open up and let the outside stresses dissolve away that day.

But they had time back then, time that felt limitless and free. So he nods, nods in a way that Wonsik accepts even if he isn’t fully satisfied with the response.

 

Time is already beginning to melt away fast. They both break to shower and prepare for bed, laying side by side on top of the mattress by the end of it. Taekwoon’s tired—annoyingly so, but it’s nothing he isn’t used to. He still has work tomorrow morning.

“Did you think of what you want to do?” Wonsik asks him, tone soft.

“For what?” He follows, not really giving the question much thought before asking for clarification.

“I promised you a date.”

He really hasn’t thought about it. Wonsik’s eyes are gazing at him when he glances over. His lips part to speak, but he hasn’t put together the words yet to even release anything. It has been a long time since they had last went on a real date together. Most of their outings these days consist of grocery shopping and running various errands if they’re lucky enough to both have the time to go with one another.

In the past, when Taekwoon had the chance to choose, many times he picked simply going home, seeing his family. The first time had Wonsik in a state of sheer panic, but he relaxed after a couple visits.

_‘Your family’s amazing,’_ he’s expressed wholeheartedly. _‘I’ve… I’ve missed being able to just go home to mine, you know? Your parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, they’re all so kind and welcoming. It’s easy and calming almost. I don’t know how to explain it, but I like it. They treat me like I’m part of the family.’_

Some of Taekwoon’s favorite date nights were spent in his parent’s home. His mother would keep Wonsik busy, having him help in preparing meals or just by talking, and he would happily follow her every instruction. There was something warming about watching their interactions, seeing Wonsik playing with his sister’s children, and trying to bond with his father when the opportunities presented themselves.

When Wonsik’s parents told him not to come back home until he finished school with a path to a respectable career, Taekwoon noticed the growing relationships between his family and Wonsik intensify. His mother knew Wonsik’s parents, not well, but they had spoken multiple times at events. She was horrified when she heard what had happened, promising something even Taekwoon himself didn’t have the confidence to—that he was always welcome.

When it was Wonsik who chose dates, they were nearly unpredictable. His decisions have translated into nights where they found themselves going out to odd clubs and sneaking into back rooms where groups of people who all miraculously knew Wonsik were drinking and playing blackjack on a makeshift table. They easily joined, tossing a few bucks into the pot only to lose it all in the end. But the lost dollars where never anything large. They made up for all of it by downing some shots and eyeing one another from across the table. A small kick or tap with their feet and Wonsik pulled at his arm until they were up, busting into another room where low whispers of desires quickly turned into realities.

No two dates have ever been the same. They’ve left the apartment during the early morning hours so they could hike the mountains at dawn, stayed up all night taking the trains back and forth so they didn’t have to go home quite yet, and have fallen asleep together in a karaoke room after a full day of exploring the city and hours of light drinking built up, causing more songs being sung by both of them, more dancing to freely slip out.

The dates Wonsik lead are all moments Taekwoon won’t allow himself to forget, ones he would tattoo all over his body if he physically could. He’s certain most of them turned into adventures he never would have experienced alone, never would have even considered. His memories remind him of the magic, of the lightness of the gravity within his chest during those times. Wonsik takes his hand and tugs him along into his world, into the craziness and hustle of his day to day life that Taekwoon doesn’t fully understand. It’s so different from his own, yet it’s exciting—fun—just like how he would describe Wonsik as a whole.

“Take me out,” he decides.

Wonsik’s mouth curves into a smile. “Sounds good.”

 

Wonsik stays with him. Fingers hooked together as he presses against Taekwoon’s back, folding his legs just enough to fit behind his own. He never used to care for being held like this, but maybe it’s something Wonsik sensed, something he thought would help Taekwoon unwind. And it is. Wonsik is hot against him, but not enough to the point where it’s uncomfortable. He wishes he could stay up, sit with Wonsik a little longer before he has to go into the living room to work more, but he can’t. He’s too exhausted.

And he feels cold once Wonsik leaves, slips out into the living room when he thinks Taekwoon has actually fallen asleep.

 

 

“Taekwoon, I’m so sorry. I’m just too busy and I simply cannot even look at your work today. Can you try and sift through it and see if anything is easy enough for Hana to work on?” Sunghwan says with his forehead cupped within his hand. “I know we’re backed up. Finance is losing their minds because I haven’t yet fixed one of the bugs that is holding up some of the billings from being completed and there are two new people who started somewhere on the second floor yesterday that don’t yet have access to their accounts. This is a mess.”

 

“Do you guys always get this busy?” Hana asks nonchalantly, placing her phone down against the desk only once Taekwoon rolls his chair up beside hers.

“We used to have more people,” he explains lightly, flipping through one of his binders to find the notes he plans to teach today.

“What happened?”

“Someone left earlier in the year, they replaced him, and when the second person left, they decided to just eliminate the role. Then another guy left right before you were hired.”

“Oh,” she starts, leaning in to peer at what Taekwoon is looking at. “That was all this year? It’s not even spring yet.”

“Yeah,” Taekwoon frowns slightly, wondering if he should even be having this conversation. He sees Hana almost wants to ask more, but he puts an end to it, beginning her training session right before anything more can be discussed.

 

The windows are darkened and reflective from the nighttime sky as he takes a moment to look away from his screen. Sunghwan’s sitting beside him on a laptop, both putting in extra hours again before heading home.

 

The process repeats for the next two days. Meetings are called and Sunghwan is able to pawn off some of the work to other groups within their IT department, but no one is happy about it. Sometimes it seems like Hana is engaged and interested, but other times she appears bored out of her mind. It’s all concerning to Taekwoon, but he can’t do anything besides continue training her hope for the best.

He hasn’t seen Wonsik at all except in the mornings where he’s passed out asleep beside him. An unread picture message notification sits on the home screen of his phone for the entire day. He almost wants to look at it, but can’t seem to find a moment to at work. Sunghwan comes by at his desk during the day, bending over and having Taekwoon look at his hair because he swears he has to have gray coming in, but there isn’t any yet.

 

The photo is of some party. There’s a congratulations banner and alcohol bottles decorating a large table. People are around, but he doesn’t know who they are or what they are celebrating. Either way, it looks like a good time, he deems it. A deep exhale has him putting his phone back in his lap, looking outside the train window at the same scenes he witnesses every day.

 

 

“Are you free Saturday?” Wonsik asks calmly, home earlier than usual tonight. Taekwoon’s already in bed, but not asleep yet.

The younger sits at his side, combing a few fingers through his hair. The act is so gentle that it somehow makes him sleepier. “I’m on call, but hopefully.”

“Ah, right, right,” he hushes, but Taekwoon doesn’t want the conversation to end right there.

“There’s dinner in the fridge,” Taekwoon mumbles, subconsciously turning his face into Wonsik’s hand.

“Thank you,” Wonsik brings down in a whisper, pressing his lips softly to Taekwoon’s cheek. The second kiss comes much harder, causing Taekwoon to grin through whiny laugh. “You’re the best.”

He’s spacing out, struggling to keep his eyes open, but as Wonsik’s about to leave, Taekwoon tugs at his wrist, curiosity still bubbling, “The party… What was it for?”

The bed dips as Wonsik sits back down. “We sold three songs to a top artist earlier this week. The deal was finalized and we went out to celebrate. Markus took off his shirt at one point and I blocked Gayeun’s view with my own body because not even she deserves to have to see that,” he chuckles lightly under his breath.

“Congratulations,” Taekwoon whispers softly, “That sounds fun.”

“Babe, it was so fun,” Wonsik smiles into his words.

 

 

It’s finally Friday. Not that the day of the week really matters when he can still work over the weekend, but there’s still some sense of relief that follows along with the thought. Wonsik doesn’t perk in the morning, so Taekwoon leaves him alone, lets him sleep.

The train ride to the office is the same as any other day and the sun shines through the morning haze as he walks the three blocks from the station to his job. He feels worn-out from the week, so drained that by the time he makes it to his desk, his vision is a little fuzzy.

There’s not much he can do besides try and blink his brain back to normal. Hana’s working at her own computer, but he can still see her glancing at her phone often. He doesn’t want to know what she’s actually doing, doesn’t want to have to think about it.

But he still ends up doing just that. Hana herself isn’t really the problem, it’s the position in general, the way she reflects how many others have. It’s distracting, slowing him down, and he allows it to continue. He wonders if the feelings are just a buildup or something greater, but he’s not sure how to express any of them to release the pressure.

He takes a break, a walk from his desk to the lobby of the building. Many of the men and woman occupying his area are busy with their own agendas, dressed nicely in suits and formalwear while his department always keeps it a little more casual. He wonders how exciting their lives might be. Do you get time to leave the office often? Go out and celebrate when they win big bids? Travel and experience new things? It makes him wonder if these are all traits that every profession but his must has.

There’s a bench outside of the north exit that he sits on, smokers linger around, but he’s far enough away from them that the polluted air doesn’t bother him too badly. He scoffs at himself because he never used to think this way, never used to feel so insecure about what he’s doing with his life.  

 

Sunghwan has him leaving on time today, mentioning how terrible he looks as he pats Taekwoon’s back while he packs his bag.

“Please—,” he begins, “Can you please cover for me if someone needs to come in tomorrow?”

“You got it,” his boss replies with a wave and a tired smile.

 

 

He collapses in bed soon after he gets home. Clothes come off, but he doesn’t think he’s going to make it to the shower tonight.

It’s so frustrating—being this exhausted. He knows something still isn’t right, but he can’t work his mind well enough to let any of it unscramble. The weight of it all pushes down on him, causing him to conclude things he doesn’t want to.

_Quit your job,_ he repeats, spelling it out over and over again. It’s boring, anyway, right? Boring to talk about, to do, to be a part of. He’s stuck in a dirty basement all day having to be busy all the time since the turnover rate has gotten extremely high.

Nothing interesting ever happens and it’s the same every day. The same train ride, same coworkers, same routine—boring. It has to be. That’s why so many have left, have complained until they just couldn’t take it any longer, have personally come to Taekwoon to vent to him about it.

But even with this internal argument, Taekwoon knows he is different. He normally likes his job, likes the comfort he has with it, the ease he’s grown into throughout the two years. He likes Sunghwan, likes how he doesn’t micromanage, how he has passion for the work, even if he does join in on the complaints sometimes. And coming to terms with those thoughts have him feeling like he’s the problem, the odd one out, the uninteresting, boring guy.

Then there’s Wonsik. Taekwoon doesn’t like to admit it, but times like this remind him of his feelings that Wonsik probably deserves better. Someone who can keep up with him, who he has more things in common with, who is even half as interesting as he is.

He’s had these thoughts before, thoughts that resurface often due to the fact that he’s struggled with their relationship since the day he messaged Wonsik for the first time, the day he realized how unprepared he was for all he was about to get himself into. At times, this feels more like a onetime fling that has lasted nearly three years for him than a proper relationship. Their first meeting wasn’t conventional, then again, their relationship has never fully been. He questions why Wonsik is still with him, why he forgoes so many relationship norms and puts up with Taekwoon’s quirks. Wonsik craves so much from this world, _he knows this_ , and yet there is so little he can help provide.  
 _Maybe we should breakup_ , comes back to mind, but the thought immediately sours because he knows that’s not what he wants. In the past, he’s considered that maybe he just needs some alone time—a period apart where he can be on his own—but he has already been alone for most of his life, and he isn’t sure if that would help anymore.

Because he’s learned that he doesn’t like going to bed alone, doesn’t like sitting beside an empty chair when his sisters and their spouses all fill up the dining room table, doesn’t like having to deal with all these heavy feelings on his own.

 

 

The soft sound of a door clicking shut has Taekwoon stirring back through the darkness into consciousness. Red lighting from his alarm clock reads 12:23 AM, and after what feels like a single blink, the time changes to 1:01 AM. The mattress jiggles and he instinctively knows it’s Wonsik entering the bed behind him. He knows because he’s used to this, knows how quiet and considerate Wonsik always is at night, knows the scent of their shared body wash as it takes over the room.

 

 

And he often forgets how easy mornings like these feel, how nice it is to wake up when the sun is already out, when Wonsik’s eyes blink open before his own. He hears the birds outside and the breeze gently knocking against their windows. Fingers drag down his forearm until they bend around his hand and there’s a smile on the younger’s face that makes his stomach light.

Taekwoon slips out after a few more minutes to finally shower while Wonsik remains in bed. He hears the younger join him in the bathroom at one point, but he doesn’t pull back the curtain to look. Twenty minutes later, they’re both back in bed, quiet, neither verbalizing a single word to bring the morning to life quite yet.

They stare at one another, eyes half lidded and foggy, but still intense. Like they’re speaking to one another, silently, both turning in closer following another long moment, and their gazes only breaks once Wonsik’s face dips, eyes shutting when his tongue slips out, dragging it slowly along Taekwoon’s chest.

And once he starts, it’s difficult for Taekwoon to find any will to push him away, to do anything but bring him in closer. He doesn’t feel like fighting anything this morning, doesn’t feel like playing a game to get them riled up or take over control, and maybe it’s for the best this time.

Smiles are there, but neither of them laugh or fuss much like they usually do. The atmosphere feels too calm for any of that. But it’s comfortable, it’s easy, and Wonsik keeps their talking to a minimum, really only making sure they’re both feeling good.

He gasps with Wonsik’s deep movements and rolls, with the emotions and heat that wash throughout his entire body. His mind clears, not considering anything else right now as Wonsik guides him, holds him, has him burning. He only needs to turn his head back slightly for Wonsik to completely curve his body down against his own, scorching skin against skin. The younger’s arm glides up from behind him, hand curving around his jaw as they proceed to kiss this way, messily and heavily because Wonsik’s hips slow and circle, but don’t stop. He can’t help but moan, loudly, openly encouraged by the younger who’s working hard to draw them out, to make this exceptionally pleasurable, to have him relax. He’s nipping at Taekwoon’s lips, running his hands everywhere, and making his love as obvious as ever.

 

“Was that too much?” Wonsik’s low voice seeks affirmation, his face glossy and full of color.

And Taekwoon shakes his head, releasing a light, yet truthful, “No.”

 

He’s left chilled, cooled sweat isn’t quite soothed by the sheets alone, but it’s not for long. Wonsik returns to the bed following a minor cleanup, pulling in on Taekwoon’s waist until they are together within the center again. His arms tangle around the younger’s neck and his face finds home against Wonsik’s collar.

 

 

Even though he swears he heard Wonsik shower last night, the younger still runs the water for it to get warm. There’s a message on his phone, one from work, from someone in inventory who locked himself out of the system by accident. It would be a quick fix, but one he’d still need to go into the office to deal with. Thankfully, Sunghwan has replied already, telling Taekwoon that he will work from his laptop. ‘Have a relaxing weekend,’ he says.

‘Thank you.’

For the second time this morning, he and Wonsik meet in the bathroom. But this time it’s Wonsik that pulls back the curtain and, despite Taekwoon’s earlier shower, has him slowly stepping in again with a tug of his wrist.

He can’t remember the last time they bathed together like this, it was never something either were into, really had time for, but it is nice this time. There’s no rush, no real fight over space or who needs to be rinsed off first, and Taekwoon’s guard is nowhere to be found.  He moves in closer, folding his arms behind Wonsik’s back to perch his chin over his shoulder.

 

 

A coffee shop will be their first stop solely due to him answering Wonsik’s question of, “What do you want to do for breakfast?” Taekwoon’s stomach isn’t really craving anything, at least not now, but he still needs to feed his caffeine addiction. Wonsik flicks the keys to Taekwoon’s car within his fingers as he waits by the door.

The sun is out, making it feel almost as if spring is finally here, but Taekwoon puts on a light jacket just in case. It was a good choice since Wonsik decides to roll open all the car’s windows as they drive down the road. There’s a cool chill, but Taekwoon has a hard time caring since he can’t stop smiling at just how much their hair blows around during the ride.

Wonsik hands him his coffee following a short wait from the couple baristas that are quickly running around to fulfill orders. He thinks they’re just going to return to the car, but Wonsik’s arm curves behind his back, hand grasping his shoulder, and he’s guided to one of the small tables at the front of the shop. “Let’s sit,” he says, pulling out a chair beside the one Taekwoon’s standing in front of.

So they do sit, both looking out the window that’s decorated with one sided stickers of various sized coffee beans, and Wonsik immediately starts. “Before we go anywhere else, how sure are you that you won’t be called in?”

“Sunghwan should be covering. I’d say chances are low,” he responds, looking down at his cup, wanting to take a sip, but knowing it is still far too hot.

And the answer causes a soft smile to appear on Wonsik’s face. “That’s great. I’ll probably be working through most of tomorrow, so this would be the best day.”

Taekwoon nods, not letting his eyes fall away from Wonsik’s simply because he doesn’t want to. There’s a pause and Wonsik’s the first to look away. He’s thinking, formulating his thoughts, and his face reflects an obvious worry, concern, as he asks, “Hey, though, are you okay? I mean, in general. Not just work. You’ve been acting…,” he stops again, glancing down at the table. “I’ve never seen you be _this_ affectionate and—don’t get me wrong—I’ve been loving it. It’s just that you… You just seem sad.”

Taekwoon’s not shocked by this. In fact, he’s somewhat surprised Wonsik hasn’t brought it up earlier. He has never really been good with hiding his emotions or secrets. Typically, he’s blunt and honest, but it’s sometimes difficult with Wonsik since their time together never feels long enough anymore. It really doesn’t matter, though. Wonsik is always able to read him, anyway.

“Work has really been on my mind a lot. The turnover is frustrating and all of them have been complaining to me before leaving and… It’s been getting to me, I guess.”

“Is that why you applied to other places?”

“Yeah,” he admits following a small sigh. “I don’t even know if I want another job. I like mine. It’s just boring, you know?”

This has Wonsik turning his whole body in towards Taekwoon, eyes enlarged, and brows raised. “Boring?”

“Yeah, I’ve thought a lot about this. Like, maybe I should go back to school and study something else?”

“Since when do you find your work boring? I used to have to drag you away from your computer because you refused to go to bed. You seemed so focused and driven—like, you would stay up later than I do now. Working with… Your do whiles and cat6’s or something.”

Wonsik’s frowning, appearing baffled, but Taekwoon almost wants to laugh at the younger’s last sentence. His examples of Taekwoon’s profession have nothing to do with one another, yet he holds it in, willing to explain later. Because in reality, he doesn’t actually know what to say here and he almost wishes they weren’t wasting time sitting around at this coffee shop talking about things like this. Wonsik’s concern is genuine, and as nice as it is to know that he cares, Taekwoon’s expression still falls. Because this is only reminding him that he sometimes doesn’t feel like it’s worth it for someone like Wonsik to need to deal with this, to have their one real date a month consist of issues instead of just good times. Wonsik already derives so much happiness from his own experiences, that sometimes… Sometimes Taekwoon just doesn’t feel good enough.

And it’s saddening, causing him to look back up at the younger with probably the same expression that Wonsik’s been worried over. He forces a smile, a snicker, and it seems to ease the tension as Wonsik sits back in his chair.

“I’ll figure it out,” Taekwoon combats lightly, slowly lifting up his drink for the first sip.

“I’m here if you need me,” the younger follows softly, face still somewhat bewildered, adding in an even lighter tone, “Or even if you just want to snuggle.”

Taekwoon can’t help but curve his lips in return.

 

They’re driving for a while, it seems, taking highways headed south outside of the city. He keeps glancing over at the younger, at his concentrated expression as he drives. The radio plays popular songs that he doesn’t keep up with, but Wonsik mouths the words to. Wonsik doesn’t tell him where they’re going, but Taekwoon also doesn’t ask. They’re doing something together and that’s all that matters, all he needs right now.

He wonders what it is about being with Wonsik that makes the complexity within his mind unravel into simple thoughts and emotions. Because he’s happy, excited when the younger makes a turn off the highway and states gently, “We’re almost there.”

The ocean is within view, grand and seemingly never-ending out in the distance of the horizon. Wonsik parks and there’s only one building in sight. It’s a restaurant—an old one, a little rustic—probably one that has been passed down from the generations. And that’s exactly the atmosphere he gets once they walk through the door. The fresh ocean air mixes in with the scents of grilled seafood and greens and Taekwoon sends the younger an overwhelmed look once they’re seated.

“What?” Wonsik laughs, his eyes curve as if he may have already expected a reaction like this out of the elder. “With how tired you’ve been, I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for a crazy day out… I’ve been here with some coworkers in the past and thought you’d like it. They catch all the fish themselves, how cool is that?”

He’s not wrong. They’re there for what feels like a short time, but is actually close to two hours. The sun brightens the entire restaurant as people come and go. Couples, families with children, and older groups walk through the doors to say hello to the workers as if they’ve known each other for years, and Taekwoon enjoys everything about this setting.

Wonsik’s talking a lot again, like he always does, filling Taekwoon in on the backlog of information he’s been holding in since the last time they’ve been able to do this. It reminds Taekwoon of the other half of Wonsik’s life that he isn’t really a part of, doesn’t fully understand—his coworkers, his work in general, his last communication with his mother. Not all of it is positive, but the relief on Wonsik’s face as he speaks, as he looks directly into Taekwoon’s eyes, has everything feeling alright.

Wonsik’s life isn’t perfect—never has been from what he has gathered throughout the years. He was at Younggi’s wedding also due to his mother, due to the fact she wanted him to get out and socialize, to meet someone. That someone probably not being Taekwoon, but he has never met her again since to see if she would approve of him or not.  Taekwoon’s not even sure if she remembers he exists, if she knows who her son has been living with for the past year, if she even cares. He doesn’t think about it too much because Wonsik rarely brings up his family anymore. He was devastated, found crying on Taekwoon’s couch multiple times for the first couple weeks. Wonsik’s schedule was different back then and he was home for when Taekwoon would return from work. There was a shift in their relationship he didn’t quite realize in the moment. When Wonsik wasn’t working, he fed him, looked after him, and eventually housed him not long after. The younger’s income was small back then, certainly not enough to get by on his own, but Taekwoon didn’t say anything about it.

The words _‘I love you’_ were spoken often during this time. Wonsik had said them before in the past, but hearing them became a daily occurrence. Taekwoon never felt it as strange because he never questioned his feelings for Wonsik back then. He cared for him, loved having him in his life, and only wanted the best for him. So the transition from simply seeing Wonsik a couple times a week to almost daily wasn’t as unnerving as he initially thought it might be.

Taekwoon helped pick Wonsik back up on his feet, offered support that he didn’t really have from anywhere else, and became so used to having the younger in his life that everything felt normal after a while. Only a few months ago did Wonsik sit down and ask Taekwoon for all the bills, for him to pay them instead. He tried to reason, saying he’d be paying them anyway whether Wonsik was with him or not, but he still lost the argument after it lasted nearly a week. Wonsik’s been taking care of the bills ever since, even the payments for Taekwoon’s car now that he’s established within his job, collecting royalties upon a salary.

So he’s not surprised as Wonsik pays for their meal like it’s nothing.

 

“Let’s walk along the beach,” Wonsik suggests lightly, unlocking the car door so they can toss their shoes and socks away for now.

There are a few groups of people scattered throughout the quiet shoreline, but Taekwoon doesn’t really pay attention to any of them. His feet feel warm against the sun kissed sand despite the air still being a bit cool.

Wonsik’s walking a step ahead of him, eventually pausing to look around as if in search of something. And it doesn’t take long before he turns around, pointing out towards some rocks way down the shore, and leans in to propose, “See those rocks? I don’t think anyone else is down there. We might be able to hide behind them and make out.”

Almost three years later and this aspect of their relationship hasn’t changed. Taekwoon scoffs through a laugh, glancing behind them to see a family of three playing in the sand, but not caring enough about what they might think as he takes Wonsik’s hand.

They laugh because they know it’s ridiculous, that they might be getting too old for things like this, but there’s still a rush in his system at the thoughts. The spot isn’t great, jagged rocks and broken shells have them carefully stepping through the area, but no other people are in sight. Wonsik presses up against him before they even make it around in the hidden area, teeth softly biting at his earlobe as they spin together. Wonsik hums in an amused fashion, wrapping his arms around Taekwoon’s waist to keep him close. They’re both chuckling under their breaths, Taekwoon whimpering as he’s moved and his heel catches him on something sharp, but they’re soon kissing like Wonsik intended them to, Taekwoon pushing out on the younger’s arms until he’s up against one of the taller rocks. He leans himself completely on Wonsik, fingers curled at his shoulders as their noses brush together, and the younger moans, running his hands down to grab Taekwoon’s behind. Wonsik’s smirking through the shadows casting down over his face and Taekwoon pauses at his beauty, thinking this sight is something picture-worthy.

“I love you so much,” the younger whispers during their break, as the gentle waves carry mist against their ankles.

Taekwoon doesn’t reply, not verbally, but instead tilts his head, and catches the younger’s lips again, slowing them down, and not letting the moment end just yet.

 

They’re back home before sunset, stopping off at the store to pick up some dinner on the way. Both of them check their phones as soon as they settle. Wonsik’s probably doing something work related while Taekwoon checks his emails.

“I have a job interview Monday,” he announces from the kitchen.

“Really?” Wonsik calls back, “That was really fast. What time is it at?”

“I’m asking them if I can come at 12:30… During my lunch. The place is really close to current job so it’s doable.”

The younger immediately leans against his shoulder as Taekwoon joins him on the couch. “That’s awesome. Is this a position you’re more interested in?”

It’s not all that much different than what he currently has. The salary is less, but a change in scenery might be all he needs. “I don’t really know. I guess I’ll learn when I talk to them.”

“Well, good luck and keep me updated.”

 

Wonsik’s eyes are shut not even ten minutes later. It’s not all that late, but Taekwoon understands how it feels to already be exhausted at this time. Plus he knows Wonsik didn’t sleep much last night. He actually isn’t really sure how much sleep Wonsik gets in general these days.  

Another hour goes by and he spends all of it answering text messages while only half watching the television. Wonsik’s out, breathing softly as he holds onto Taekwoon’s arm. He considers wiggling out, but figures taking Wonsik to bed with him is a much better option.

When Wonsik was still in school, sometimes he’d come over and study while Taekwoon worked at his computer. Usually, at some point during the night, they’d meet on the couch together like this and never even make it to bed. It’s clear things aren’t like they used to be, but Taekwoon’s desires aren’t either.

“Wonsik,” he speaks softly, cupping the younger’s face until his eyes tiredly blink back open. “Let’s go to bed together.”

Wonsik’s movements are incredibly slow, but he follows along, brushing his teeth and shedding most his clothes before slipping under the sheets. Taekwoon joins him after shutting off the rest of the lights and electronics within the home. His eyes adjust, making note of Wonsik’s form from within the dark, his gaze looking back at him.

“Did you have fun today?” The younger asks, voice a little rough alongside the exhaustion.

“Yeah, Taekwoon responds quietly, “Thank you.”

“I won’t miss your mom’s next dinner, I promise,” comes out halfway as a mumble, but Wonsik’s lips still curve.

“Good,” he returns the smile.

Wonsik releases a small noise as he turns over on his back, spreading his arm out towards Taekwoon’s direction as he asks, “Are you coming?”

At first he doesn’t understand the question, sitting up a little to get a better view at the younger. Wonsik’s fingers bend around his wrist, tugging slightly, and Taekwoon feels this lightness from within his chest as he realizes what the younger is referring to. His newer sleeping habit.

He moves in, laying himself down closely against Wonsik’s side.

 

 

Wonsik’s gone come morning, but Taekwoon’s not fazed by it this time. He rolls onto his stomach, releasing a groan as he reaches for his phone on the nightstand. The apartment is quiet, but it normally is during this time on a Sunday. He slips into some loose clothes and proceeds to make coffee to start his day.

He can’t say he’s especially tired—no more than usual, that is. The blinds are cracked lightly and Taekwoon crosses his legs as he sits on the couch with a steaming mug in hand. His coffee helps bring some clarity to the morning, reminding him how the coffee from the café he and Wonsik went to yesterday tasted so much better than his home brewed. At least the memory is nice, their date was nice.

Wonsik’s still just as smooth as he was nearly three years ago, taking Taekwoon to a place he knew he would love. It wasn’t so much a glimpse into Wonsik’s outside life as it was clearly the younger’s attempt to please him, to lift his spirits in ways they could do together.

And Taekwoon presses his lips to hide a smile, to almost not let himself accept just how meaningful that is, to try and make sense of his feelings.

He’s not lonely, he has to remind himself. Sure their work has only made each of them especially busier during the past months, but it’s not as if they haven’t gone through this type of separation before. He’s been independent for so long and Wonsik’s newer to that sense, but doesn’t seem to have any problem with it so far. This shouldn’t be something that keeps getting caught in his mind, not something he ever even considered years ago, actually, it was probably the opposite.

Because he didn’t really want to date Wonsik, yet years later, their relationship has morphed into something like that. Their dates were slow in the beginning, in their first year, even slower after Taekwoon confessed his hesitance revolving around commitment. They talked more than they were together. Small, daily texts and weekend calls led up to meet ups every other week or so. Just about all were physical in some way, or at least ended in that. This was before Taekwoon moved out on his own and they had to get creative with where they could go. But that turned out to be part of the fun, part of what had them venturing to different places, for Wonsik to begin taking Taekwoon completely out of his element and into his own.

There was that change during their second year together, he felt it, remembers the exact moment when Wonsik’s gaze began affecting him differently. They started seeing each other weekly, sometimes more when Taekwoon finally had his own place, and when Wonsik began skipping out on a couple of his classes. The amount of adventures increased, moments together brought him ease, and the night when Wonsik first slipped _‘I love you’_ didn’t leave him confused because he understood that he felt something similar.

And that all continued into the beginning of their third year together. Wonsik moved in with him, his family accepted the younger in with open arms, and maybe… Maybe they really did start being in some sort of an unofficial, committed relationship.

It’s strange as he thinks about this—all like a linear timeline. Wonsik’s been with him for so long now that he’s unsure how he would fair without him. Would there be an empty hole if Wonsik were to leave? He stares into the bottom of his mug, at the unabsorbed flecks of coffee beans that somehow made it through the filter, wondering if maybe one is already beginning to form.

 

 

“Hey, how about we grab lunch together again today,” Sunghwan suggests as he rubs out some of the stress wrinkles from his forehead. It’s cloudy out today, but not humid enough for rain. Taekwoon’s somewhat thankful for that as he has to turn his boss’s offer down even after he was nice enough to cover for him over the weekend.

There’s a slight frown on Sunghwan’s face, but he understands when Taekwoon gives his extremely brief excuse. “I’m sorry, I can’t today. I have to go out and meet with someone.”

“Later this week then,” he says with a small tap to Taekwoon’s desk.

Somehow Hana’s gone before he is even when he’s out the door at noon. He’s not quite sure what to feel as he locks himself in the bathroom stall of a popular bakery a couple blocks down from his job. He had packed a nicer shirt and a blazer during the morning and this was the best way he could think of to make this work.

‘Good luck today,’ Wonsik had sent him about an hour ago. He doesn’t respond; his mind’s not really in the proper place to right now.  

They like him, it’s clear by the signals and brow raises the managers are sending one another. He’s long learned this kind of behavior from to the multitude of interviews he had after college, but he knows the main reason they like him is because he’s overqualified.

The facility is nice, a third floor office with large windows and cream walls. It looks clean, friendly, and the small IT department is mixed in with everyone else. He talks with four different people and doesn’t find any of them truly compelling, wondering if it’s him or them, but he’s honestly not invested all that much to find out.

Every part of him is screaming the same thing—no.

He’s professional, bidding farewell even though he already concludes he’ll never see any of them again. Other than the setting, he isn’t interested in any part of the job. He can do better than the position and the salary cut isn’t exactly worth it to him. Part of him is glad he gave it a shot, but the other is simply disappointed.

The same bathroom stall at the bakery is free as he turns the lock and changes back. There’s a subtle guilt in his stomach that he passed off an offer to have lunch with Sunghwan for something like this, but he decides to simply blame hunger for the feelings instead.  

‘No good,’ he sends to Wonsik. ‘I’m not interested in this one.’

 

The rest of his day is quite busy. He sits with Hana for a couple hours before swapping out with Sunghwan. She’s picking up on the processes, the exceptions and limitations, and that creates a flow between them that’s working. There’s still an immatureness about her that’s there, but he can tell that she is putting in some effort to understand. Her questions for him are good ones, concentration better than before, and it leaves him with a surprising amount of satisfaction when she’s packing her bags to leave for the night.

Sunghwan’s smiling apologetically at him, sitting back down in his seat because his work still isn’t done. And neither is Taekwoon’s. So they both stay.

 

 

His blazer and extra dress shirt that he wore to the interview are wrinkled badly, but he still proceeds to hang them back up in his closet. Wonsik’s not home, but he feels better knowing he picked up dinner for him on the way back. His nightly routine proceeds per usual. He eats, cleans up, showers, checks his email, and then is back in bed, physically unable to continue his night in any other way.

His mother did call, talking briefly about future get-togethers and how Wonsik actually did reach out to her last week. She laughed, finding it all equally silly as endearing, and Taekwoon hummed short responses until she eventually just told him to go to sleep. He puts his phone down for only moment before it’s buzzing again. Not a ring for a call, but a message. A picture message from Wonsik.

There’s no hesitation as Taekwoon immediately views it. The image is of the nighttime sea beach. The bright moon glows a disfigured reflection across the water and the city skyline shines from afar in the background. It looks beautiful, like a sight that could rejuvenate himself, or anyone for that matter, if he were actually there, and Wonsik follows up with a simple message. ‘Nighttime inspiration.’

 

 

Curses whisper within his head when the alarm begins going off. His hand stretches out to hit the button so fast that he’s almost able to forget that it ever happened in the first place. He rolls back over, back towards the additional warmth on the bed, shutting his eyelids as he nuzzles against Wonsik’s arm. His finger’s graze down the younger’s skin, causing him to stir only a little bit.

“You need to get up,” Wonsik’s slightly husky morning voice manages a murmur. Somehow it has already been thirty minutes. “You’ll be late.”

 

He’s quick to make up that time, skipping out on his first cup of coffee, and feeling somewhat groggy on the train as he nods his head off to the side. There’s an email on his phone from another company trying to set up an interview, but he simply doesn’t have the will to respond at the moment.

There are two meetings that take up most of his morning at work. Sunghwan and Hana sit beside him as they listen to the needs of a few of the business management supervisors on future projects. What they are looking for seems challenging, but definitely doable. The only problem is with time and the time that it will take for them to even begin this project with such a backlog already behind them. He even thinks about all the hours wasted in this meeting that he could be focusing on other things.

“Lunch?” Sunghwan asks again ten minutes after noon, leaning over his desk. Taekwoon hadn’t even realized the time.

There’s something relaxing about spending time with Sunghwan. Maybe it’s because he gets it, understands the work even better than Taekwoon does, but he actually doesn’t mind grabbing another lunch together with him. They both order light meals, warm and calming soups that will give them energy without too much of a crash later on.

“How’s Hana doing?” Sunghwan begins, spinning his spoon within his bowl to release more steam. “I want your honest opinion.”

Taekwoon glances up at him, making sure to take the moment to think before outright saying anything. “Better,” he starts with. “She’s here and there sometimes, but overall… Better.”

“I know what you mean. We had a talk with her about the phone usage and I think she understood that point. She’s just young. Then again, you’re young too. How old are you again?”

Taekwoon sends his boss a look that causes them both to chuckle. “I’m twenty-six.”

“Right, right, close enough. You two are very different, though. She might just have some growing up to do. It makes me look at my own daughter a little differently. I don’t want to be a bad parent, but I want her to be ready for life before she’s just thrown out there, you know?” He’s smiling, but he always does when he mentions his daughter.

“How old is she?” Taekwoon questions, forgetful with details like these.

“She’s only eight, but they grow up fast. I feel like just two weeks ago she was three. Now that she’s in school, I really need to pay more attention since I don’t see her as often as I used to.”

“Ah,” he releases, nodding lightly as he simply listens while still eating.

“My wife is used to me being so busy, but I don’t want my own kid to forget about me!”

He’s not really complaining or venting as much as simply filling his voice throughout their small lunch environment. Taekwoon doesn’t mind and always listens anyway. Sunghwan laughs a lot at himself, at the things he says, and Taekwoon can tell there are more truths to his words rather than just jokes. And maybe that’s what compels him to ask, “Do you ever feel like what we do is boring?”

Immediately he realizes how inappropriate a question like that to his boss is, but thankfully Sunghwan doesn’t seem to think twice on it. “Of course not. Well, that could be more of a personal preference, I guess. Like, my wife has no idea what I’m doing half the time when I’m working from home or staying late. I’ve tried explaining some things to her, but she doesn’t seem to care except when her computer isn’t working for one reason or another. I feel like that’s normal with most professions. I think my kid is still a bit too young now, but when she gets older I’ll try and explain to her what I do. Maybe she’ll find it interesting. If not, then she’ll find something else. I just like technology in general. If I didn’t like what I was doing, I’m not sure I could do it every day. Why do you ask? You’re not planning on leaving, are you?”

There’s a glint of panic in Sunghwan’s eyes that causes Taekwoon to gain some sense of pride. “It’s something I keep thinking about because of all the people who have quit this year,” he explains calmly enough so his boss doesn’t take his words the wrong way.

“Taekwoon,” he says almost sharply, almost fatherly-like, “This kind of stuff happens all the time. Just worry about you. I know things are tough right now, but… Ah, I wasn’t going to tell you this yet, but it’s—it’s fine.”

This grabs Taekwoon’s full attention as he places his spoon down in the bowl and hands to his lap.

“So, I’ve been working on getting you a laptop. This way you’d be able to work from home kind of like what I do from time to time. I’m not saying you can do that daily and never show up again, but it can help so you don’t have to come in on Saturdays or stay later than you need to. I’m also not saying that you should work through the night to catch up on stuff—please don’t do that—it’s more for flexibility sake. You’re a hard worker and I think it will beneficial for you. Normally, you’d need to have some sort of tenure before they start giving these out to employees, but I’ve been pushing for one for you.”

His eyes simply blink back. He doesn’t know how to respond to this, how to even conceptualize of all the benefits at once. Without warning or control, his emotions are well up, becoming overwhelming the longer he holds out, so he exhales firmly, looking at Sunghwan’s gentle smile as he strongly expresses, “ _Thank you_.”

“I told you I really appreciate working with you. We’re a good team.”

Taekwoon nods, nods a lot as he hears laughter from the opposite end of the table. His insides feel tingly, appetite full already, and he repeats a little louder this time, “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

And he can’t help himself, dropping his head to look down at the edge of the table. “I truly mean it. Thank you. Things have been so hard and—”

“I know.”

“And I haven’t had much time to relax or be with my family lately. It’s really been getting to me…”

Sunghwan continues to chuckle as Taekwoon’s face heats up. “I completely understand.”

He releases an audible sigh that Sunghwan still finds amusing. He’s worked up, excited, and maybe even relieved. He wants to say the words again, make his boss understand just how much he appreciates this, but he doesn’t. Doesn’t need to because Sunghwan is already aware.

 

 

He leaves work on time today, sending Sunghwan a small smile before stepping up to the ground level. Wonsik’s not going to be home, but as he sits in his typical seat on the second railcar he decides on cooking tonight.

Nothing fancy. Wonsik’s never complained either way. Taekwoon puts together grilled vegetables and some fish. One plate for himself and one container for Wonsik for whenever he makes it home. He cooks in silence even when there’s a lot of noise going on within his mind.

He’s thinking about all he wants to tell Wonsik, to share with him, to possibly sit and talk for hours like the younger sometimes does. He wants to tell him what’s truly going on at work, what’s getting him all riled up and puzzled, and hopefully find some sort of comfort through it all with him.

Sunghwan’s words repeat in his head. His words regarding his wife, his family, and how his work life has him missing out on them as well. He’s not alone in this aspect. Maybe that’s just the way of the working world, he considers. A cute garnish is added atop of Wonsik’s container before Taekwoon shuts it in the fridge. He sits alone in the dining room, checking his phone in between bites.

 

He does finally respond to the second company looking to interview him since the opportunity is there. Their hours are different, night shifts more prevalent, and he decides to try for it as well. The energy from his conversation with Sunghwan lingers as his computer screen glows. He’s got his headset on, talking quickly while leading his friends into a space battle that they ultimately win.

 

 

The next couple days are uneventful. He wakes up exceptionally warm as an arm crosses over his torso. Wonsik’s all the way over on his side this morning. There’s a note at the kitchen sink left by the younger. It’s small, but still nice to see after almost no communication for most of the week. _‘I’m going to have the whole weekend off. :)’_

It’s something to look forward to, information that gives him drive to keep the hours passing, even if he truly doesn’t want to wait. Today is only Thursday.

He’s got his second interview tonight, so that’s something clouding up his mind. Sunghwan is already aware that he can’t stay late, so they’re working together at Taekwoon’s desk again in order to be as efficient as possible while Hana solely assists workers from the above floors.

“They want to be able to see the real time tables,” Sunghwan reminds him while Taekwoon edits one of the companies programs for the marketing team.

“That’s fine,” he replies shortly, mind on the job at hand.

 

He packs his bag, tucking away the sleeve of his extra shirt as it peeks out of an open compartment. Sunghwan doesn’t seem to notice, but he still feels uneasy, as if he’s potentially betraying his own boss. But that’s just how the job market works, he attempts to justify, taking a different train further out from his home.

 

“Jung Taekwoon, nice to meet you,” a woman whose name he has already forgotten shakes his hand. The office’s atmosphere is very different from the first place he interviewed at. Not so much clean and bright as this one is muggy and dark. The sun is going down and their shifts are starting. The workers all appear younger, still at the ages where staying up this late doesn’t throw off their entire bodies as much. He takes notes regarding the position, slightly more interested in this one, but still not being convinced.

Again, though, the managers seem to like him, to see the potential within him. The benefits are better, but the late night working causes him to lean more against it. He should be feeling more excitement about it, but the lack is telling him a lot. He’ll have more time to think about it, to see if they even offer him a position within the next couple weeks, but right now he’s just tired.

The train home is delayed due to work being done on the tracks. He sits on a bench in the station, staring at the bathroom sign debating on if he should go in and change back into his normal outfit, but he doesn’t care enough to right now. Instead he sends Wonsik another message.

‘Had another interview tonight. Not sure how I feel about it, but it went well. Things with normal job are getting better.’

Wonsik doesn’t respond by the time he finally gets on the train, so he simply slips his phone back in his pocket.

 

It’s late when he finally makes it into bed. He made a small dinner, mainly for Wonsik, but had a little bit for himself. He’s tired, but his mind is foggy. He thinks about the weekend, about possibly being able to spend more time with Wonsik, and that helps. Helps him eventually drift off.

 

 

Waking up alone actually throws him off today. He groans, but sees light shining from the crack in the doorframe that gives him some hope. Wonsik’s eyes are large as he stares up at Taekwoon from his seat on the couch. He glances back and forth between his laptop and the elder before finally admitting, “I didn’t even realize the time.”

Even though Taekwoon’s unhappy, worried because Wonsik obviously has been up all night, he immediately forgets about it once the younger’s arms circle around him. They hold one another, close and tightly, taking in every ounce of comfort they can while they have a moment to. It’s another one of those embraces they both needed, both craved, and Taekwoon feels somewhat revitalized once they finally break.

“Go to sleep,” comes out in a whisper. They’re so close that he doesn’t need to be any louder.

“I should, shouldn’t I?” The younger chuckles.

But he doesn’t, at least not yet. Taekwoon’s ready to leave for work and Wonsik stands by the door, waiting for him to come by. It should be silly, but Taekwoon finds it more heartwarming than anything. The younger kisses him, smiling into his words as he wishes Taekwoon a good day.

“I’m going to bed now. For real this time,” he promises, shutting and locking the door behind the elder.

 

 

“Question.” He hears Hana’s voice coming from his left side.

“Answer.”

She’s not amused by the attempted wit, but neither is Taekwoon. “This guy on the sixth floor is having access issues and the first reset didn’t work.”

The day feels long even though it’s actually the same as always. He’s working more with Hana today than normal, but he’s not bothered since they’re being very hands on. The worker who put in the service request on the sixth floor isn’t the happiest that he has to wait for Hana to figure out how to fix something when Taekwoon is right there, but it’s the only way she’s going to learn. And she smiles at him when she’s done, glowing in a proud sense, and Taekwoon snickers as they walk back down the stairs together.

“That guy kept hovering!” she huffs.

 

“Neither of us are staying late, got it?” Sunghwan says, sitting on the edge of Taekwoon’s desk once he returns from lunch.

He swirls his chair out, taking his normal seat. “If you say so.”

“I do say so,” his boss repeats, grinning into his words. “It’s Friday. Got any plans for the weekend?”

Taekwoon thinks about this one. Of course he wants to say something silly like, ‘Hopefully not get called in tomorrow,’ but he instead goes with, “I’m not sure. What about you?”

“My wife has been begging me to plan a family day, so I finally did. We’re going to an amusement park,” Sunghwan grins, appearing extremely excited.

“I’m sure your daughter will love that,” he follows.

“Oh, she doesn’t even know yet. We’re planning on surprising her. All of her friends have been going, so I think she’ll be ecstatic. It’s been quite some time since the three of us last did something like this together.”

“Then your wife should be excited as well.”

“Trust me, she is. I mean, we’ve been together so long now that we know it’s when we can finally go through with a plan and have a great time that makes everything worth it,” he exclaims.

Taekwoon nods, smiling a little bit, feeling something inside of him that took comfort in hearing words like that.

 

“Have a great weekend, Taekwoon.”

“You too.”

 

 

The weather is warm out as he walks to the train station and it makes his choice on how to proceed with dinner a little bit simpler. He likes how the air feels fresher, more crisp and easier to take in, and he decides going out of his way to pick up something yummy is the way to go.

His train ride is quick with how little he’s paying attention to it. There’s this weightlessness within his mind that has him at ease, content, and ready for the weekend. The apartment is the same as it always is when he arrives home, but today he’s not affected by its hollowness. He simply eats and cleans, lounges on the couch as he watches the nightly news.

His body feels sluggish and tired, but his brain truly isn’t. He almost wants to get frustrated with himself over the back and forth he feels every day, but it doesn’t seem all that worth it at the moment. Instead he showers, standing under the water for longer than usual because he’s in one of those moods to, and basks in the calming effects.

He thinks about how nice it would be to visit his family this weekend, to go with Wonsik and have a meal with his parents. It has been a long time since just the four of them were together. They could talk, relax—feel at home. Maybe he’ll be able to take Wonsik out afterwards. Even though he’s been incredibly busy himself, Wonsik undoubtedly has been as well. He didn’t even go to bed until after Taekwoon left for work this morning. He has to be worked up, tensed. In fact, he’s reminded of his feelings from yesterday on how he really just wants to talk everything out. He wants to catch up with Wonsik, to make sure they’re on the same page, and just… Make sure everything continues working.

He keeps thinking about it, about this past month, and how everything has resonated within him. His interactions with Wonsik have felt different recently. He doesn’t know what to call them because he’s long been aware of his love for the younger, but maybe this is another change that feels new, scary at first, but maybe something he can settle himself into. Something that he past three years together with Wonsik have all lead up to.

Because he never used to miss Wonsik so much when he wasn’t around, never used to appreciate their time together as much, and it almost makes his past self seem like an idiot. Sure, they had shared great times, bad times, and many regular days, but Taekwoon was happier than he was prior. Maybe that’s just the way relationships grow and evolve, he’s learning.

Even with all his own negativities, he knows Wonsik loves him. He hears the words, reads them, and visualizes the feelings with his eyes all the time. If Wonsik didn’t, he’s not the person who would stick around. Taekwoon knows this because he knows Wonsik. He knows the younger will do just about anything to get what he wants, even if it means waiting for months for a possible love interest to send him a message or forgoing everything his parents stand for to pursue his own path in life.

Taekwoon’s not as strong as Wonsik is when it comes to confidence within himself or his decisions and maybe it’s because he’s never truly needed to be. He worked hard to get where he is now, but he can’t say all of it was due to passion.

He sometimes wonders if Wonsik is outgrowing him in that sense, becoming more experienced and mature, going from being just about completely dependent on Taekwoon once his parents had kicked him out to finding joy and financial stability within just a few months. This quick life change really put a new strain on the dynamics between the two of them. And it’s amazing to Taekwoon, to know someone like that, someone with the ability to bounce right back and flourish, to still take his little free time to try and happily provide for Taekwoon out of nothing but love and affection—the feelings Wonsik clearly has for him. Because at this point, it’s obvious that it’s not just lust or shared boredom that has kept them together this long.

 

And maybe that’s why Taekwoon’s eyes blink open during one of the night’s darkest hours. 3:03 AM the clock reads, but he doesn’t really register it because the blue hue illuminating in from underneath the door has him stepping out of bed. He’s delirious almost, body still in shock from the sudden awakening, yet he keeps going. Slow and steady, opening the door, and shutting his eyes as the unnatural lights become stronger.

Wonsik’s sitting where he always is at the end of the couch, leaning over his laptop with papers and food containers littering the coffee table. He notices Taekwoon this time, blinking his eyes and leaning back, as if unsure on what is about to happen.

And honestly, Taekwoon doesn’t even know, either. He steps a leg over younger to sit on his lap, to have hands quickly hold his waist as he drops his forehead down against Wonsik’s shoulder. He’s pulled in, arms wrapping around Wonsik’s neck, and his eyes shut yet again.

“Hey,” he hears the younger whisper, seemingly unfazed by his actions. “Listen to this.”

His face lifts slightly and Wonsik’s hands rearrange to transfer the cushiony headphones over his ears. A hand securely against his back holds him in place as Wonsik leans forward, clicking something on his laptop to have music begin.

He hears a piano playing, softly as the base, but not slow. His face tucks back against the younger, feeling himself falling into some sort of trance, a tranquil state. He just keeps listening, letting the melody flow throughout him, and understanding nothing but the sheer beauty of what is being played. He can’t say anything, make any comments, because his mind isn’t functioning enough right now to even recognize everything he’s feeling.

“There’s no lyrics yet, but I’ve been working on that in studio for the past week.”

He sits up a little bit, looking down only to see Wonsik’s gentle smile. His hands take the younger’s face, tilting it up even more so he can kiss him—innocently and light. The headphones are pulled off and dropped to the side against the couch before he quietly pleads, “Come to bed with me.”

 

A part of him didn’t expect Wonsik to immediately comply when he was in the middle of working, but he held Taekwoon’s hand and he shut the laptop with his other. The memories of them heading to bed are blurry, but once his head hits the pillows again, the images of Wonsik removing his shirt from over his head instantly has Taekwoon’s heartbeat picking up.

He’s becoming overwhelmed, somewhat nauseous even, but once Wonsik crawls in bed beside him, he immediately feels better. Taekwoon’s hands quickly hold onto him, practically finding any way to cling himself securely against the younger.

And he hears chuckles as he presses his face down into Wonsik’s collar, but he still can’t stop the words forming in his mind from leaving his lips.

“Marry me,” he murmurs against the younger’s skin.

There’s a clear laughter that erupts, but he doesn’t let go even with all the shaking. Wonsik’s pushing back on him, trying to pry his hands off so he can see Taekwoon’s face. It’s a fight that lasts, that causes them both to struggle and release light giggles through the strains. Wonsik rolls, but Taekwoon goes with him, yelping as he hits the mattress again on the other side.

“Hey, hey,” Wonsik huffs, leaning over Taekwoon as he holds his wrists hostage. “If you’re going to propose to me, at least be awake enough to look at me.”

But Taekwoon’s not. His eyes curve shut as he laughs, as his entire body feels increasingly lighter with each breath.

“God, what am I going to do with you?” Wonsik says from above him, “You have been acting so strange lately and now you throw this at me?”

“I have so much to tell you—so much.”

“I know you do.”

The moment Wonsik releases Taekwoon’s arms, they are wound around him, pulling him back down so their lips can meet yet again. And they’re sweet kisses, ones that calm Taekwoon down rather than excite.

Wonsik momentarily pulls back, releasing, “I want to hear everything tomorrow.”

“I’m still on call tomorrow. I might have to go in.”

“Sunday, then.”

“Okay.”

Wonsik’s hands are holding him, gripping his sides as he rolls off, making it so much easier for them to press together again.

“Can we visit my parents this weekend?” he asks, eyes shut as Wonsik’s lips kiss his jaw.

“Sure, whatever you want.”

“But what do you want to do?” Taekwoon blinks back, pushing a little because he’s serious.

He’s met with Wonsik’s strong gaze when their eyes connect again. “Relax and be with you.”

Taekwoon only stares back, not really sure what to make of that response.

Apparently Wonsik is able to see through this, to read him properly, and explains, “I’ve been so busy lately that I’m becoming tired. Truly, I don’t care what we do this weekend—I just want to be with you. They asked me to come in tomorrow and Sunday, but I told them no just like I did the other week.”

“What you were working on sounded beautiful,” he’s finally able to comprehend.

And Wonsik smiles almost sheepishly at that, “Thank you. That’s not really for my job as it is my own work. I might present it to them, might not. I haven’t decided yet.”

“Ah,” Taekwoon exhales, not even considering that as an option, but also not even in the right mindset to completely understand. His fingers absentmindedly comb through Wonsik’s hair as he remembers, “You never answered me.”

“I just did,” the younger responds back, brows quirking in a baffled way.

“Not about that.”

“Mm,” Wonsik hums after another moment, tone slightly smug as he presses the tip of his nose against Taekwoon’s cheek. “I mean, the way you put it didn’t exactly leave room for a debate.”

Taekwoon bites his lip as he tries to hold in his smile. He only has one more question before he can fully let his walls break down. “Do you think I’m boring?”

The look of pure confusion shines from every feature of Wonsik’s face as he leans back, as if he just heard Taekwoon say the most nonsensical thing in the world.  “I wouldn’t have just agreed to one day marry someone who wasn’t the most fascinating person I have ever met.”


End file.
